| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lauraemt |
Posted - 09/21/2006 : 08:40:04
Hi everybody. I am new to this forum but I have been reading some of the posts. I am glad to see that I am not crazy or alone in my TMS diagnosis. But here is my problem. I have read the books, done the "talking to my brain" and been on three different anti- depressants. My doctor says because I have anger from a very young age and I am now 38 that treatment for me will take much longer and there is no quick fix. I have also been seeing a therapist. This has all been going on for a total now of 3 years. And to no avail. My pain is worse now than before and I am desperate for an answer. Any suggestions? |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Penny |
Posted - 09/26/2006 : 10:20:35
Hi Laura,
We all make difficult decisions, and it sounds like you've had to make quite a few toughies recently. I don't want to meddle in your life ... but I get the sense that you're begging for someone to tell you this. I wonder if you need to re-evaluate your decisions.
If you challenge your choices and they honestly present as YOUR truth (not your husband's or children's), then you need to commit to them. If they are the right decisions for you, you will not have resent or regret. If regret and resent keep coming up, then you have to live with the ill-ripple effects (physical pain, emotional anguish) or make different choices.
If your current situation doesn't present as your truth and you don't make any changes, well, YOU will have to live with the consequences. (Your kids will also see this, so don't think they get out of this scot-free.) This is tough love here Laura. The Get Well Club isn't all fun and games.
We all talk about doing the "TMS work" as WORK because indeed it is. It is NOT easy, but it is a process that will wind down. It is a commitment to look at the uglies in our life--choices and behaviors that perpetuate our emotional repression that leads to phyical suffering. It takes courage to do the work and make changes. In order to end my physical suffering I've opened myself up to a lot of emotional pain, but my physical symptoms are resolving, and my life is getting happier and more fulfilling every day. I am beginning to live my truth.
Be strong, Laura.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 22:47:39
Laura, I feel like I can relate a lot to some of your experiences and I feel the comments that Dave posted apply equally well to my situation. He really nailed it for me.
At the time I got sick I was doing day care and working a night job, dealing with a demanding 18 month old son and 6 step-children who didn't want me in their home and lives, and married to someone (still am) who believed his only responsibility was to work one job and provide a pay-check; literally everything else was on my shoulders. I'd sleep about 3-4 hours at night and spend the other 20 or so feeling crushed by the unrelenting stress of having way too many responsibilities until one day my body just stopped functioning.
As Dave put it so well, I turned off my emotions just to be able to grin and bear this existence. But I was angry at my children, my husband, my parents (who could have helped me avoid the whole situation, but didn't), and most of all, angry at myself for choosing this life.
I haven't seen any of Sarno's books other than TDM, but the chapter on treatment provides some pretty detailed info on how to do the work of getting better.
He says that we shouldn't expect the repressed rage and emotional pain to be expressed consciously, but we need to pay attention to the sources of the rage/pain, which are: feelings that we still carry from childhood, self-imposed pressures to be perfect and good (as in good to others, giving of ourselves, often at the expense of our own needs), pressures of life, and miscellaneous things like guilt/fear/insecurity/vulnerability that feed the rage.
He talks about daily acknowledging that our sypmtoms are not caused by physical problems and daily reviewing parts of the book, whichever one you have. He says to make a list of all the things that may be contributing to your unconscious feelings, then write about each item on the list. That could take days to do, I guess. He says to also add to the list situations in which you feel conscious anger, but can't express it, because that suppressed anger will add to the unconscious rage too.
He says that thinking about these things every day will move this acknowledgement of the anger and emotional pain from the conscious mind into the unconscious mind, and then the brain will stop the physical pain process.
If you have this book, maybe it would be useful to review the chapter on treatment. There's more that I found really enlightening, especially in one of the case studies that was detailed in that chapter, the one about Abner. |
| Dave |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 08:26:26
Some of your comments would seem to indicate that you are basically paying lip service to the TMS treatment methods, and not really taking it seriously. Your busy life serves as an excuse: you don't have the time to take it seriously.
Your comments would also indicate that you have exactly the kind of lifestyle that could lead to TMS symptoms. "My kids ... are very attached to mommy and I can rarely get time to myself." "I work through the pain I don't let it affect my day to day life because I have too many responsibilities." "I ... have tried to divorce my husband twice."
It seems as if you are matter-of-factly stating these things about your life, realizing on some level that they produce a lot of stress, but not really digging deep enough to uncover what the child inside feels about all this.
You said it best: "You would think that with all this I would be crying like crazy but I'm not." You seem to be the perfect candidate for TMS. You put so much pressure on yourself, not only to raise your own kids, but to care for other children as well, on top of a very demanding and stressful day job. Seems that you have turned off your emotions just to be able to grin and bear this existence. All the while the child inside is in a blind rage that you put so much pressure on yourself.
Psychotherapy by itself is not very useful in treating TMS. You must understand the concept of psychogenic symptoms and try to feel what the child inside feels. It's very dangerous to feel those things because it could threaten your very ability to 'grin and bear it' as you are doing. It's the precise reason why your brain manufactures symptoms to distract you from those feelings. Otherwise you may realize that, on some level, you are angry at your children. Angry at your husband. Angry at yourself for choosing this complicated and stressful life. |
| lauraemt |
Posted - 09/25/2006 : 08:06:56
A little bit more about me... well, no I don't journal and I have never tried that. As far as self talking yes I do that all the time and it doesn't seem to work. I have a very busy life yes I am an EMT but I also have a home daycare with 3 children to care for and I also am married with two of my own children. Since I stayed home to raise my kids they are very attached to mommy and I can rarely get time to myself. I do get some peace at night and that is when I excercise. That is kind of my stress relief for me and yes I work through the pain I don't let it affect my day to day life because I have too many responsibilities. As far as my family life wow now that is a story in itself. I have been married for 10 years and have tried to divorce my husband twice. The reason I say tried is because I saw the affect this was having on my older daughter and decided it was best just to stay to keep her on the right track. So, I guess if you ask me if I am surrounded by people I deep down don't like the answer is yes. Also with staying with my husband I have lost my best friend and support system because he is a man and my husband felt threatened by him. This has been the hardest thing for me because I counted on that relationship to always be there and it is gone. Our counselor says it would be better if my friend and I don't communicate so that we can "work" on our relationship, my husband and I. You would think that with all this I would be crying like crazy but I'm not. What do you think? |
| Littlebird |
Posted - 09/24/2006 : 19:17:51
Hi Laura,
I'm new on this forum too. I was wondering if you are an EMT or if that part of your name refers to something else. If you are an EMT then you probably have a lot of work stress to deal with, although I know people can have plenty of stress from other types of work too.
I thought you might be interested in a couple of ideas about therapy, if you haven't already read them from one of Dr. Sarno's books. The only book I've read so far is "The Divided Mind" and I really related to a lot of what was said.
One of the other doctors who provided chapters for the book mentioned that he thinks some people benefit more from insight therapy than from cognitive behavioral therapy, because he thinks that some very strong emotions from childhood require deeper exploration.
Dr Sarno talks about therapy on p. 155 of the book and says that the goal of therapy is to help the patients attain a greater understanding of the defensive structure that is shielding their concious selves from the destructive aspects of their unconscious rage, and to increase their emotional awareness overall.
He also mentions that patients are challenged when their behavior is incongruent with what's being discussed, such as laughing or smiling when talking about something that should be causing them to feel emotional pain.
I was really struck by your comment that you don't cry at all, because that is something that I find myself trying to avoid. I have been procrastinating on journaling because I know the kind of pain it will bring up and that it will make me cry. I recall being a teenager and feeling that I needed to cry but couldn't. Do you feel like you just can't cry even if you want to or that you don't really want to cry?
When I went to therapy in the past, before I knew about TMS, I felt uncomfortable with talking about my family background. It left me feeling sort of guilty, like I shouldn't be criticizing my parents, who had their bad points, but also had some good qualities too. I kind of felt like I was saying they should have been perfect parents when I know I'm not a perfect parent myself. I'm thinking about trying therapy again now that I realize it's not so much that I'm angry at my parents personally for all of the pain of my childhood, but I'm just angry about the needs I had that were not fulfilled. Sometimes they were directly to blame and sometimes they weren't, but it all hurt.
I'm not sure if the fact that my parents are no longer living will make it easier or harder to address the old pain. I also need to figure out how to deal with current relationships that involve anger. But I'm encouraged by reading the experiences of others on this forum. I hope we'll both find answers here to help us figure out what it will take to get better.
Would you be comfortable sharing more details about your circumstances, like if you're married/have children/live near your other family members/etc? What type of work do you do? |
| Penny |
Posted - 09/24/2006 : 19:13:12
Hi Laura, Crying works for some, but not for others. If you can remember times where you wanted to cry but didn't perhaps you DO need to cry more ... you were repressing your emotions. This is a guess, but that was my experience. Years ago I cried at least once a day, but then over the past couple years I hardly ever cried. Now I'm a sobbing mess often, but my physical pain has lessened.
Other than believing in TMS and reading Sarno, what else are you doing? ARe you journaling? Doing self talk? Are you limiting your actions by your pain, meaning are there things you won't do due to the pain? or do you press through? Are you living an authentic life? Gosh, that last question sounded kinda cheezey ... LOL! but I mean, are you living a life where you are honest with yourself, or are you surrounded by things/people/roles who you --deep down-- don't like? I found out a lot of roles and people in my life were robbing me of my true identity, and has been one of the causes my fibro.
>|< Penny
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
| lauraemt |
Posted - 09/24/2006 : 12:01:05
Thanks guys for the advice. More about me? Well, I have read both of Sarno's books quite a few times and my doctor is TMS friendly. He actually had a bout with TMS himself. I believe the diagnosis I guess I am just not sure of how to actually "let go" of my feelings. I don't cry at all. Maybe I should do more of it. |
| Penny |
Posted - 09/21/2006 : 22:38:06
quote:
Originally posted by lauraemt
Any suggestions?
Hi Laura,
Welcome to the Get Well Club! Tell us more about you. What books have you read and applied about TMS? Are you journaling? I say "bollocks" (that's British talk for "garbage") to the doc that says it can take a long time. Perhaps, it can take a long time, but tell us about what else you are doing to address and end your TMS. Are you seeing medical doctors who are telling you you have "damage" or slipped things? What's your story (don't give too much e-ink to your symptoms ... that just gives them the power)?
I'm Penny ... 36 years young next week ... lots of mental gremlins ... been battling TMS all my life (CTS, migraines, fibro, yaddayaddayadda), but only found out about TMS a few months ago. I'm doing much better physically, but I cry a lot. Tell us more about you and what you're doing and we will help you.
Non illigitamus carborundum. |
| Darko |
Posted - 09/21/2006 : 18:31:51
Lauraemt,
I've now been "blessed" with my second round of TMS pain. I beat it once before, but this time around it's more of a challenge. The last month I've been getting about 4-6 hours sleep cause I wake up in pain. I've had the second round now for about 4 years, and the first round for 2 years. My advice to you is this, RELAX. If things are freakin you out, smoke some pot or something. You're on a path to learn, the reason the pain is still with us is cause we haven't learnt something. I too have bottled up loads of anger...also sadness. I'm now taking steps to deal with that. I urge you to read "The Journey" by Brandon Bays. It's not about TMS but more about having something stored inside you. You can self talk and detach until the cows come home, but will will always generate that emotion from deep down. Now if you have a memory or paradigm stored in your unconscious you will always experience emotions generated from the unconscious......you need to treat it on a deeper level. I'm going to have the Journey process done on me tomorrow morning, so I'm very excited. This is where I'm at right now and I've been searchin pretty hard. If you've been doing the same thing for a while and it hasn't yielded "the results" then it's time to start lookin from a different angle. The more frustrated you get with it the more pain you'll have, it's like golf. You just need to learn what you're body is trying to teach you. Read that book, and learn to release your anger more..........in a positive way. Hang in there. I'll post how Saturday morning goes for me |
| armchairlinguist |
Posted - 09/21/2006 : 15:26:41
lauraemt,
Have you considered switching doctor/therapist to a TMS doctor & therapist or ones who are friendly to TMS? It sounds like the current one is giving you an opinion that's very at odds with the TMS message, and it can be hard to resist the messages we get from doctors.
As you know if you've read the books, Sarno says there is no definite timespan for a cure. Maybe it will take you a longer time, or maybe you will wake up one day in the near future, confident in your diagnosis and pain-free. Just keep doing the work and working on getting the message into the unconscious.
Best of luck.
--
Wherever you go, there you are. |
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