| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| flyefisher |
Posted - 08/09/2006 : 21:57:18
Three or four people who I thought were good or decent friends have recently become estranged when I explained the TMS thing to them. I know them and I know the signs. They think I'm whacked. What do any of you do to deal with this? I mean, I can make up injuries to strangers, but my friends are my friends and I don't see fit to mince words.. |
| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| wolf29 |
Posted - 08/11/2006 : 13:50:53
If someone complains to me about back or neck pain and they tell me everything "physical" they've tried and it hasn't worked, I'll bring up Sarno. If I sense they are not receptive to it, I drop the topic. It's very hard for someone to believe physical pain can be caused by emotions. I'm sure we all came from that same place.
My friends see that I can now lift heavy weight without pain even though I have to damaged discs in my lower back and they know that. Yet, many of them won't keep an open mind. They say they do but still go to physical therapy for whatever ails them.
So I just go about my business and discuss it with anyone who wants to. Otherwise, I keep my mouth shut because if they're not willing to listen or think it's crazy, what's the point of getting into an arguement over it. |
| flyefisher |
Posted - 08/11/2006 : 12:45:18
Yeah, if I get doubt I usually just tell them I tried all kinds of stuff and surprisingly this works. |
| Michele |
Posted - 08/11/2006 : 11:58:58
It is different with each person. You can present your case, and they have to do the rest. I post on a runner's forum and when I hear of "injuries" I email the person and ask if they would be open to listening to a CD. If they are, then I send them my HBP CD. If they send it back w/o any questions, that's the end of the conversation. But so far, I've converted 4-5 runners to Sarno and they are grateful for it.
The most stubborn person in the world - my father - was interested in listening to the CD. Surprisingly enough, he believes in Sarno 100% now. Unfortunately, because he is the way he is, he will attempt to shove Sarno down the throats of everyone who will listen - and most probably won't because of his approach. Which is too bad.
Just be an example and pretty soon, your friends will hopefully see how well you are and want to do the same. :) |
| flyefisher |
Posted - 08/10/2006 : 22:31:15
Yeah. I suffered for so long from back pain and it had me against the wall. So people I know know about it and ask me. So I feel obliged to explain.
I read one of your posts that when you relate it to stress people understand. And come to think of it, I have tried that and it worked. I just say "oh yeah, it was all stress related. Once I learned to manage the stress better, the pain went away." People can understand that.
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| ralphyde |
Posted - 08/10/2006 : 18:25:04
I have had mixed results with this. First, with my wife's chronic low back pain and sciatica, we discovered Sarno after two and a half years of going through the conventional medical system seeking relief. I immediately saw TMS as her proper diagnosis, and couldn't believe that she couldn't see it too. My attempts at persuasion pushed her further away, and my suggestion that we see a TMS qualified doctor led her to break off our reconciliation. This past May after two years of separation, she had a Spinal Fusion operation (not telling me), and was still in pain last time I talked to her.
Yet with two hang gliding friends who complained of chronic back pain, one to the point of considering giving up hang gliding, as he felt the pain was getting worse after 17 years, and the other who already had, they both read HBP at my suggestion and soon told me that surprisingly to them both, their back pain had totally gone away and they were very grateful.
So I was able to help heal two friends by turning them on to Dr. Sarno, but not my wife whom I most wanted to help heal from her pain of five years now. Very frustrating and sad. As Dr. Sarno quoted a patient in The Divided Mind, "Denial of the syndrome is part of the syndrome." (p.131)
Ralph |
| Stryder |
Posted - 08/10/2006 : 13:36:14
What works for me is to not tell the them "everything" until you know for sure they would benefit. Tell the truth, but not all the details. Here is an example.
When people ask me how I cured by severe low back pain, I tell them that I removed the "stress in my life that was causing the muscle pain". That is indeed the truth, and almost everyone buys it without asking for more.
Also, when I encounter someone talking "my back is a mess, I have a MRI, HDD, and next I'm going to see a back surgeon", that's exactly the wrong time to bring up TMS. Is this case you need to listen and ask a lot of questions, like Dr. Sarno does, and see if this person is truly a candidate to go down the TMS route. Don't mention TMS, or Dr. Sarno, just find out if they are a perfectionist, do gooder, have pain that comes and goes, the entire list of screening questions.
Just because you think they could benefit doesn't mean they are in a state to accept your advice at the moment. Its nothing personal, just years of conditioning is almost impossible to break through. Be a good listener. Lead by example, cure your pain, and when they eventually come around and see you well they can be saved too.
Take care, -Stryder
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| drziggles |
Posted - 08/10/2006 : 11:27:21
I'm trying how to deal with this very issue with my own patients. Though it's difficult for me, I try to remind myself that not everyone is amenable to this approach, which runs counter to every piece of information people get from friends, family, other doctors, and the media. More deep than that is the underlying denial that is part of the TMS phenomenon--the people who could benefit from Sarno's approach the most are those who are least likely to be willing to try it! When you think about it, it's a wonder anyone buys into TMS given all of the obstacles that exist...
All you can do is expose someone to the ideas, give them your story; the rest is up to them... I've learned the hard way that pushing someone who is not open at all to the TMS idea only pushes them away. |
| jrnythpst |
Posted - 08/10/2006 : 07:27:54
Oddly my parents are very understanding as is my oldest brother but there is no way I would ever consider telling my other two older siblings. Well at least no time in the near future. My friends are understanding and think it sounds legit and know me well enough to know that it describes me to a tee. Not sure what to tell you fly. Course two friends and I have been friends since the age of 3 so nothing will hamper that friendship, another friend and I have been friends for 14 years, and another two for 10 years, then my supervisor and friend for 3 years...those are the main ones I have told so far. They have all been understanding and my best friend has even read most of the posts on here to try and get a better understanding of it in order to be able to be more helpful to me. Not sure if that helps you any or not, just my two cents worth.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
| n/a |
Posted - 08/10/2006 : 02:03:39
I agree with you, Flyfisher about not mincing words with friends - usually that is. In the case of explaining TMS to people - probably another approach is worth thinking about.
When I first suggested to my brother, who was showing all the signs of TMS, that he read Sarno, he answered with one word, 'Psychobabble!' - end of conversation. Two years on, he's buying into it, big time.
He lives a bit away from me and noticed such an improvement in my health over the course of the last couple of years, that he began to wonder if there might be something in this TMS thing after all.
For me, the best way to deal with the inevitable scepticism that friends would show was to let them notice how well I had become and then, and only then, I would tell them how I had done it.
Mind you, I only learned that after dealing with what you describe a few times.
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