| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 17:09:59
Hi,
If anyone has anything to talk to me about or comment on, please try to do it tonight or tomorrow morning if possible..I am going to take a break from the forum for a bit...This forum has helped me in so many ways, but the last few days, since the whole global warming debate I am just spent..I was seeing some definite progress and now I seem to be going backwards again...The pain has increased a great deal and if it ends up where I cannot do my morning walk I am going to be devastated. I cannot go back to where I was 2 weeks ago, I just can't take it anymore...
YES...to all of you who say I POST TOO MUCH...YOU ARE RIGHT!!!For those who say this to help me heal faster, thank you very much and God bless you for caring...
For those who tell me I post too much because it annoys you..well..IT ANNOYS ME to have YOU tell me that!!!!!! Don't read my posts if you don't like them, no one is twisting your arm! (and I am not referring to you Nor or to you Michele, your comments today were helpful, thank you..)
Right now I am feeling SAD AND ANGRY all at the same time...And it isn't directed at ANYONE in particular, not even you TT...Promise...I DID over-react to your comments..I should have controlled myself and my reactions...
I am aware enough to realize it probably has NOTHING to do with ANYONE on here...And also probably has to do with the fact that I am PMSing on top of TMSing...(sorry guys...:)
The little contact I have with REAL HUMANS was just narrowed even more as I had to cancel my voice student who is due to be here later today...I am in so much pain right now that I have to go and lay down...This has not been the case for many days...So I just lost the money from the lesson and even getting to see this person who I enjoy..Something is not right about that...I am NOT blaming anyone on here, as I said...I am a grown woman and responsible for myself, of course...
The way I feel right now I think being on here has become more negative for me then positive...I am feeling, energetically, like I am about to get ganged up on by the more insensitive of the people out there...and, quite honestly, I am WAY too vulnerable right now to handle it..I admit it!!!! It's MY PROBLEM...not anyone else's...
Please, b4 someone writes some cold comment about my over posting on here...try and direct your displaced aggression elsewhere...We are supposed to be on here to help one another recover, not to antagonize or provoke. And I am admitting I post too much, I don't need it thrown in my face...I do feel also EMBARASSED about how lonely I feel in life right now, that I would spend this amount of time reaching out into cyberspace. My life was never like this..But I suppose there are lessons to be learned from the isolation...and from the pain...
I just cannot even express in words how upset I feel right now about this sudden increase in pain...I cried a little but clearly it wasn't enough..And I am feeling RAGE too right now...but I know it is displaced if I feel it toward anyone on here..Even people who have been (what I perceived) as harsh with me b4..This is MY RAGE, and anyone on here that pisses me off for any reason has nothing to do w/ the rage I already have inside...It just makes the reservoir overflow too much and now I am suffering dearly for it...And it just plain sucks...
I will be online tonight and tomorrow morning to check messages here..and then...just like when I give up chocolate or pizza,,,i am going to pretend this forum doesn't exist for a few days, at least...I KNOW I HAVE BECOME ADDICTED TO IT, I OWN THAT...I suppose it is easier to do this sort of 'work' then to really really dig into the HARD work of journaling, reading more, etc..etc..Just looking DEEP WITHIN..I have WAY too much time on my hands now...Prior to two months ago I didn't allow myself ALL This alone time and it, plus the cabin fever, is driving me a little nuts!
I realize now that this forum and the social interaction, albeit via the internet, has felt almost like a family to me...I am very lacking in the family department for awhile now and I suppose I was viewing this as a temporary substitute...I miss my parents and the 5 friends who died in the past 6 years terribly...Most people by this time in their lives are married with children...I am not...My singing career has always come first and travelling w/ my bands on the road was not conducive to marriage and children...
I need to grab the bull by the horns, HEAL, get my life back and MOVE to where the majority of my loved ones are...This desert isolation is not for me...I need more then just a couple of VERY close people around me...I am a social animal...My ideal would be to find someone who has a family like in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding..." That is what I need in my life as crazy as that sounds.
I will miss the people on here that I feel a real connection with while I am taking the break..Thanx for everything, sincerely..Well meaning thoughts/feelings are more then welcome and appreciated deeply...I have gotten alot of insight into myself from many of your comments...So please don't hold back, but do be gentle if possible...
Hugs & God bless,
Karen |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/28/2006 : 09:20:19
Thank you P., that means alot to me!...Your posts help me too! But I won't be gone for too long..I will miss everyone too much and the wonderful advice I receive here..Hopefully when I check back in I will have some good news to report! 
Chris,
I realize that..Good to hear from you..I was actually planning on writing you an email today and checking in..Haven't heard from you in awhile and wanted to know how the move and life in general is going..
Thanks Beth,
I am here for you too! I will check in with you later dear friend!
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| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 07/28/2006 : 07:31:07
quote:
...I suppose it is easier to do this sort of 'work' then to really really dig into the HARD work of journaling, reading more, etc..etc..Just looking DEEP WITHIN
YOU NAILED IT! That's it in a nutshell. It's easier to eat chocolate than raw cabbage, too, but I'm better in the long run with the cabbage.
And, just like a chocolate addiction, one needs to stay away completely before it becomes an occasional treat, and not an every day obsession.
I'm really proud of you. Stick to your guns and go after the demons.
You know I'm here for you!
Beth |
| FlyByNight |
Posted - 07/28/2006 : 07:14:18
Too bad you are leaving us Karen.
Your posts were very helpful in many ways ,
P. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 20:37:30
Thanx so much Jay and Nor for your kind and encouraging words...Means alot to me...
Hugs to you both,
Karen |
| Nor |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 20:35:04
Karen,
I think you are doing the right thing. Your post sounds like you are really doing it for YOU! Again, who cares if someone in cyberspace thinks you post too much. Their problem, not yours. I know how disappointing the pain can be. Just keep in mind that its benign. If you feel the urge to purge w/words, just journal. I recommend the book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. Its kind of "out there" but you seem open-minded. I had to kind of get past a few areas that seemed a bit over the edge but I'm so glad I did. The affirmations work. My husband and I both have seen progress from using her ideas. We are both skeptical by nature. Good luck and give us some feedback after your break. Nor |
| wolf29 |
Posted - 07/27/2006 : 19:36:35
Do what you feel you need to do Karen because it's what you want to do. Not because others may feel you post too much or not. If you're not doing this for yourself then you're just going to repress more emotion.
With that being said, I understand how some time away from the forum can help. Take a step back if you feel the need, regroup and try to keep your walks going. Just keep us posted of your progress and take this time away from the forum to journal, think or let some pent up emotions out.
Hugs |
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