| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/15/2006 : 20:12:15
Hi All,
The other day I painted for the first time in 7 weeks..Due to the acute neck TMS attack I have been dealing with, I haven't been able to do many basic and necessary things...After painting, my body reacted badly and increased the pain quite a bit and the lack of mobility...Or I should say my brain reacted, not my body...I am definitely nervous about my upcoming art exhibit in the library and the wine and cheese reception they are having for me on Tuesday night...I don't want to be in this condition while greeting all the poeple, it would really be awful...
My neck is just Stuck and I am REALLY trying to think what is it inside my unconscious that is feeling so STUCK and lodging itself in my neck? Or is the gremlin just going nutso because I have been crying alot lately and getting in touch w/ some deeper emotions...SOmetimes I cry about the pain, but then it goes to things like missing deceased loved ones, missing singing, tennis, hiking, etc...Just missing being ME! Has anyone ever had the Gremlin kick it up several notches just b4 attained some real relief??
I sure need to hear some positive things right now...I am back to having to lay down alot again because the pain and tightness in my neck is so bad..We went for Thai food and I had no appetite...THat is a real rarity..The pain was so uncomfortable I felt sick to my stomach and had to put it in a doggy bag to take home...I swear I have been doing the work..I have been watching the Sarno videotapes over and over and it does help some. I am in the process of reading Divided Mind as well...I could journal more frequently and consistently, but when the pain is this bad and I can hardly move my neck I just feel unable to sit up long enough to write...I type way faster and easier then I write... |
| 20 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/20/2006 : 11:37:55
You're the best Beth! You always make me feel better!!
Big hugs,
Karen |
| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 07/20/2006 : 08:25:41
Karen,
If it was me, I'd be focusing on the fact that he said you were a star and so talented in Singing and Painting.
How many people ever hear THAT compliment in their life?
As far as you standing up for yourself when he said what he said about your Bday, you were correct in realizing that was HIS fear of age issue, not yours. I'm not sure how appropriate it would have been to snap back at him or something. Better to know in your heart and pity him for his short coming.
Hugs
Beth |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 20:14:21
Thank you Miehnesor,
It would be so awesome if I could stand up for myself in real time..It's a very good suggestion that I think about the origin of this goodist personality trait...I am sure it's from long long ago...Although I was a terror as a kid...Kind of the scapegoat in the family...Always in trouble, mischievious...My dad was a functional alcoholic who yelled alot but never hit us..He was a lot of fun when I was younger..My mom was the disciplinarian in my childhood and I am sure the physical abuse left a lasting mark on me..She actually apologized to me for it when i was in my 20's and then she and I became best friends...I am rambling and not even sure where i am going with this...In any case..I do appreciate your comment!
Hugs,
Karen |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 19:16:45
quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
..but w/ close relationships and even w/ new friends criticizing me I can be such a wimp..I hate that about myself..that whole need to be liked, approved of..I really want to change that once and for all..
I don't think beating yourself up for this personality trait is useful. It's not your fault that you have it. You might want to explore in your work the reasons why you developed this trait that I and most TMS'ers have. Then doing the greiving for the losses can IMO turn this trait around maybe a little and help you to stand up for yourself real time a bit better.
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| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 18:59:53
I know what you are saying...It makes me think about the goodist in me even more..I can't believe I am willing to let someone talk to me like that and not speak up..Believe me, he has many great qualities or I wouldn't have spent the time I did with him..No one is perfect..But..This part of him, the side that can say really hurtful things is something I put up w/ longer then I should have..I can be so strong and invincible on stage singing or in other areas of my life..but w/ close relationships and even w/ new friends criticizing me I can be such a wimp..I hate that about myself..that whole need to be liked, approved of..I really want to change that once and for all..
Well anyway, the good news is that the show went well and I survived it and woke up w/ 50percent reduction in pain! |
| marytabby |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 17:59:29
What the wise Art said best. |
| art |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 17:40:24
quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
Thanx A,
You are so right... Tact has never been one of his qualities..
I'd say this went beyond "tactless." It was a hurtful, dumb thing to say and if it's in any way representative of his general style you're well rid of him..
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| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 17:22:55
Thanx A,
You are so right... Tact has never been one of his qualities.. |
| art |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 17:08:34
quote:
he has an issue with age, already..lol..and he is 16 years younger then myself!)
Just don't let it bother you..It was a totally classless, insensitive thing to say on his part...Based on that single comment I can tell you you're better off without this guy.
WE can't help getting older. It will simply break those who can't find a way to accept, if not quite embrace, the passage of time. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 15:15:38
Thanx Maryalma and Jay for the compliments on my art...Yes that is a picture of me on my site...:)
The opening went well...Was intense and I got through it without medication...Everyone was giving me the most awesome comments on my work, it was such a great feeling...The only mixed part was when my ex boyfriend showed up...We have been friends for the past 6 years since we broke up,,,but...he said something to me which upset me and I had to difuse and still am...He said that the person I was last night (the TMS person in pain) is another person from who I normally am...He has seen the TMS person b4 and has no patience for someone in pain, not at all..a terrible nurse, in other words...He said he was having flashbacks to the times i was going thru TMS pain in our relationships...Anyway, he didn't harp on it, but the timing to bring it up wasn't good...He also passed some comments about not calling me on my recent bday because i probably didn't want to be reminded of being in my late 40's...(he has an issue with age, already..lol..and he is 16 years younger then myself!) Anyway..on a positive note he kept saying..."Remember you are a Star...You are so lucky to be gifted in singing and in painting.." He was one of my best fans at gigs when we were going out..So he really was trying to be supportive and i appreciated that...
Just that i dreamt about him all night and so it must be on my mind still...We had a very intense and serious relationship...But it had it's share of drama...We are much better as buddies...In any case...I felt a 50 percent reduction in pain this morning and walked 40 Minutes! The pain is wanting to increase as the day goes on and I am fighting it in my neck and in other areas...The TMS is a stubborn little gremlin...
I am trying to stay relaxed about the fact that I only have a few paintings i can sell now til Sept 24th..I am on a contract to keep them on the walls of the library til then..So the whole financial stress is creeping in again...Once i can paint again then i can always do commissions which will help alot..Just trying to stay on top of the things that brought on the TMS acute attack 2 months ago...I am healing and working hard...and I AM beating this! My prayers were answered about the show, it went better then I expected...overall...:))
Thanx again sooooo much for all your support!
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
| wolf29 |
Posted - 07/19/2006 : 13:10:49
Hey, I just noticed the link to your site. Is that you on the site? You're a cutie  Nice artwork. Nice use of colors. How did your show go? |
| marytabby |
Posted - 07/18/2006 : 13:11:36
Nice artwork pieces! The bouquet is extremely good.
Best of luck tonite! |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/18/2006 : 11:44:25
Hi All,
I just replied to Maryalma, but it really is for all of you..THANX soooooo much for your support..Keep me in your wishes or prayers..tonight is the big night!
Hugs,
Karen |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/18/2006 : 11:39:52
Thanx Maryalma,
It's the perfectionist in me and the goodist that wants to show my gratitude by writing separately to everyone who took the time to try to help me...It is a bit overwhelming, though because there would be alot for me to respond to..I have taken it all in and I so relate to ALOT of it...Tonight is the night, my big art opening reception and alot of important people are coming..I am taking pain meds for sure...I have to be there no matter what..I am nervous, no doubt..and I am icing the neck for the spasms that are increasing again...I took flexiril muscle relaxant last night and that helped..but it makes me very foggy and light headed so i cannot take it long..I am hoping after the opening i will calm down more and won't have to go to the docs for a Rx for Valium, but if i still feel this bad, I will take the advice and go...
BTW, in therapy it came out that I was really thinking of all of you as an extended family.I know that is silly because we haven't met...but...due to my loneliness in Vegas and just missing all the loved ones that have died...I have gotten too attached to the forum...OKAY..i won't apologize...Darko..that was so helpful..reminding me how i say SORRY way too much! Thanx!
It is soooo true that when I am either on stage singing or at an opening for one of my art exhibits, I really am putting my very soul out there for people to like or not like...It is a big deal, and lots of pressure, why didn't i see this?When I sing in the casinos in town I am usually doing other people's songs..BUT when I paint it is ALL ME AND SO INTENSE..Yes, the feeling like I am almost BEGGING someone to buy a painting..I HATE THAT PART...I HATE SALES...especially trying to sell parts of me, my paintings are my children..as well as my dogs, of course...
ANyway..gotta get ready..Yikes I am looking forward to it but also looking forward to it being behind me! I have never done an art show in pain like this...But hydrocodone it will be, at least for tonight...Thanx everyone Again and Again for your wonderful thoughts and well wishes for my show tonight..If anyone is curious..click on my art web page..there are pics of a few of my paintings and a pic of me looking like the 'serious artist..' lol...Scoll all around the page so you don't miss my dolphin piece..And, please..if you know anyone interested in art, pass on my site! God bless and Hugs to all of my TMS buddies! Feels almost like a nice cyber family now!
~Karen my site is
www.visualobjects.net/karen_artworks.htm |
| marytabby |
Posted - 07/18/2006 : 04:08:54
quote:
Originally posted by Singer_Artist
I want to answer each of you separately but tonight I am still calling and inviting all the local people to come to my art opening..Please forgive my delay in responding back to each of you..As soon as I get thru this opening, I will
To chime in on Darko just wrote, why do you feel compelled to reply to each and every one of the replies? In fact Darko. Wrote for you NoT to reply. See, this is where you're placing way too much value on what others think or what others may not think. Like Darko said, try to get on to other activities. Your posting is not bothering people because it's excessive. Your postings do however concentrate too much on obsessing, and not enough on helping yourself with the suggestions. I'll say it again, when you start doing the work Sarno outlines in the book, you just might start to make progress. I did. Good wishes for your exhibit. |
| Darko |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 20:32:55
Great to hear, go for it and don't let the pain get you down. You sound much happier. Good luck with the art!
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| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 20:11:30
I am so touched by EACH AND EVERY ONE of your messages...My goodness...THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! I made it today to drop off my art at the library..They do the set up, thank God! I took some pain meds to get thru and tomorrow for my big opening reception, I will take Hydorcodone (sp?) if I have to..A friend lent me a few pills and I have tried it a couple of times when the pain stopped me from sleeping...I want to answer each of you separately but tonight I am still calling and inviting all the local people to come to my art opening..Please forgive my delay in responding back to each of you..As soon as I get thru this opening, I will...I agree with everything you all had to say..I did read the posts...I promise you I want to get well from this and I WILL!
Hugs and God bless,
Karen |
| Darko |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 19:46:59
Singer,
I'm going to make one more attempt to help you. Be warned I'm going to call it how I see it. I'm not having a go at you or am I pissed at you in any way. I'm going to say what I think so don't get offended, as I am really trying to help you.
1. Of late you have become extremely sensitive, I would have loads of support in saying that we're not angry at you. Personally I don't give a toss if you post until you PC blows up. Stop apologising for your existence. If you feel like posting then POST, if you have something helpful to add then do it. Stop saying sorry and talking about how much you post all the time. What you're actually doing is making people sick of hearing about it.
2. You're NOT LISTENING!!!! Myself and several other people are trying to help you. We understand the crap your going through so we want to help, but you're not listening, you just make excuses WHY????!!!! I'm not attacking you, but I'd like to see you put in some effort to get better. Stop moaning, making excuses and defending yourself, just do something......anything! There have been a dozen posts full of suggestions to help you. Please list which of these suggestions you have completed so we know what has or has not worked for you, that way we can try other things. Maybe you have been trying things, I personally believe this is why people are getting frustrated.
3. CHILLOUT!!!!!!!!! Change your scene, go for a drive, get into the hills. Get a bottle of wine and drink it! Stop wallowing in your emotions you're just making it worse. Get drunk/stoned and paint, try something different to break your current state. Your thoughts perpetuate your pain, you fear doing anything because of the pain. You're complaining about it, you're frustrated, you're being a victim. Lots of bad things have happened to you, that's sad but you need to move on. Do you like the way you feel right now?? no...so what are you going to do about it.
4. If some turkey needs to send you offensive emails away from the eyes of the board then he obviously has issues........probably has a really small penis and as a result an angry man......or worse, maybe his arms are really short and as a result can't touch his penis..... I'm assuming it was a man. Why would you get offended by it?
Now the last thing I want to see is your post about getting upset or thanking me or making some excuse. Pick a suggestion and DO IT, then tell us about it. Stop moaning about your pain. Now I have spent quite a bit of time on this post, in the effort to help push you along, please don't let it be a waste of my time.
Quote:
"Has anyone ever had the Gremlin kick it up several notches just b4 attained some real relief??"
Your thoughts are the Gremlin!!
Stop stressing!!!
Has any of this sunk in???
Ah ah....I know you want to post a reply, but don't, use that energy to change your state. Write about it, chillout and stop stressing about what we think, we don't even know you so who cares right????
YOU CAN BEAT THIS, JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!
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| PeterW |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 19:44:19
I really think there's something to this train of thought also, maybe for a lot of us.
Oddly,I'd never considered this angle much until this thread. But Bonnie, you really hit on something that struck with me. I've had spells of being a part time musician/percussionist, and absolutely loved it. There's nothing more fulfilling than being in that moment when it all comes together, with the energy and creative juices all flowing, everything sounding great, and everybody dancing and having a great time. Basically those moments are my drug of choice. It's something about tapping into that intuitive part of the brain, the 'channelling' or whatever you want to call it, that's part of the creative process.
But there's another side to it. The ego or concious mind loves being the center of attention and getting all that praise and affection. After all the fun is over, you pack up, sometimes very late, and go home. The next day I could find myself craving the next fix, almost as if I didn't feel whole without it, with the self esteem needing the constant approval that comes from that moment of performance. Also so much work goes into the nuts and bolts of putting gigs and projects together, keeping all the egos happy, dealing with the cash, making sure everyone shows up on time for gigs and rehearsals (a real dilemma with free spirited musicians sometimes), and the endless and thankless job of doing publicity (marketing yourself and begging for acceptance).
So the logical, orderly part of the mind has to work really hard for every moment that the intuitive, creative side has to play. Long before I heard of TMS, I was well aware of the conflict inside myself between my creative intuitive side and my rational responsible side.
Probably anyone who has done musical, theatre or dance gigs, or book launches, or art showings, can relate to just how much hard work is behind those two hours in the spotlight when you're the center of the universe. In a way we're putting our souls right out there for everyone to see, and we can put a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves and have similar high expectations of others to get it just right. There's always some fear attatched to the process, some voice saying 'what if everyone hates it??' . Which is really saying 'what if people dont like me?'.
My worst physical setbacks have usually occurred at times when I'm playing the most, when musical plans and projects are full steam ahead, and when I'm seemingly having the most fun ever. But maybe at a subconcious level putting ever more pressure on myself.
And SA, after all that, more best wishes for your exhibit!
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| h2oskier25 |
Posted - 07/17/2006 : 15:44:58
Karen,
I wouldn't obsess about the drugs, one way or another. If you have access to something you don't mind taking, great. If you feel that seeing a Dr. to get the drugs would rehash the whole physical thing, stay away.
When I was at my worst several months back, and prone to panicking about it, what I would do is take a deep breath. I mean a REALLY slow, deep breath. I would try to feel that breath go into every part of my body. It forces the body to relax, and the mind can't help but follow.
I know it sounds silly, but it helps a little, and anything to turn around your momentum to the positive is a good thing.
Wish I could attend your exhibit.
Beth |
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