| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| jrnythpst |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 07:03:57
If I have misspellings or typos please forgive me. You should have seen the horrible handwriting this morning when writing in my journal. I feel horrible today, beyond even. My father saw me going to my car and told me I probably shouldn't even attempt to work today, actually he said "are you sure you need to be going in today?" Well the answer is I really don't know. I was hoping that some of the pain would dissipate through the day. I hurt so bad that I have been shaking all day. I don't know if it's from stopping the arthritis meds or tms or what. I am border line hating myself again because of how worthless I feel. I cried most of the way to work and again when one of my coworkers offered to help me carry a bag in because he could tell I hurt so badly. I don't know how many of you reading this are guilty of this but ever since I started hurting as a child I would often ask myself what I did to deserve this pain. I always thought that I must have done something to hurt this badly. Well then I would get mad at all the rapists, murderers, and child molestors that didn't hurt because surely they deserved the pain more than I did. Anyway needed to let that out. thanks for reading.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
| 5 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| jrnythpst |
Posted - 07/14/2006 : 19:29:56
Thanks susie and karen, that's basically what the doctor said when I saw him this past Wednesday too. I hope to never be in that much pain ever again. It was horrible. I felt worthless, pathetic and less than human but I wrote it all down in the journal. I even cried when my parents were over here, with my dad due to my pain and with my mom due to the neurontin....I admitted to three people how the pain made me feel and I usually don't so I was trying to take own of it. We shall see how it works. It's so annoying though. I hate work but then feel horrible when I can't make it there because I feel badly about making other's jobs harder. Yes I know the goodist in me and partially the perfectionist because my job is not being done timely with me not there. Sigh. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for the understanding.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 09:19:11
Susie makes a good point sweetie...When we start to really challenge the subconscious it can fight back w/ a vengence...thinking it is protecting us from the horrible unconscious emotions...It knows (our brain) that we are becoming "Onto to it.." so to speak and so it increases the pain in an effort to make you think it is physical..You'll get through this one way or the other... |
| jrnythpst |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 08:29:47
Thanks Karen. I journaled 16 pages over the weekend and viewed the video and discussed things with parents concerning tms. that was the only different thing...but the pain has been increasing anyway.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
| Susie |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 08:29:30
Could your pain be worse because you watched the video this weekend and your brain knows you are challenging it? You may be on the verge of a big breakthru. Hang in there. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/10/2006 : 07:43:06
So sorry you are hurting Ali Cat...Will say a prayer for you...Try to think about what was going on (emotionally) b4 the onset of the increase in pain, if you can...Also...there is a wonderful book written by a Jewish Rabbi called "When Bad Things Happen To Good People." I think the title says it all...Hang in there..
Hugs,
Karen |
