| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 17:30:31
Hi Everyone,
I just got back from my second visit to the gym...It went fairly well except for bickering w/ my roomie on the way there! I think that he (as my care giver during this acute attack) is getting resentful for having to help me so much...Have any of you ever gone through that? I hate to be dependent upon others, but I have no choice while the major limitations from the neck TMS remain...When he gets crabby, I get ANGRY thinking...GEEZ at least you can go to work and function like a normal person w/o pain! What are you complaining about??? Then, of course, it goes STRAIGHT to my neck and I get more pissed that he is arguing with me during the middle of an acute attack..He has watched me suffer enormously for that past 5 weeks and on and off since we were roomies (8yrs now)...I love him like a brother and he loves me like a sister..but sometimes...AHhhhhhhhhhhh! then I start to wonder...Hmm..Is he trying to sabotage my healing because he knows i may up and relocate to NJ once well and once i have sold enough of my art??? I mean I know he wouldn't do this consciously...but subconsciously, maybe...He begged me not to move away w/ the dogs a few years ago when I almost did...And I know i am angry at him for that decision..although I am a big girl and it was solely my responsibility for decided to remain here...Typical TMS though..putting another b4 oneself!
Regarding the subject 'Addiction'...let me share that i battle w/ a terrible food addiction...Some may laugh at this but it is a real problem..has affected my singing career at times and relationships and life in general...My weight fluctuates like the wind...Well...since i am working so hard on the neck TMS as well as the secondary areas of knee and back...wouldn't you know I relapsed on the sugar and junk REALLY BAD today...I have been so good for 5 weeks..scared if i pigged out and was layed up..i would end up huge...And sometimes i think deep down i punish myself by hurting my neck when i screw up w/ the eating...Weird, i know...and maybe a coincidence...In any case,,I get very upset w/ myself when i break a big promise like this..
So I was wondering...is addiction, food or otherwise a TMS equivalent...I mean i use it to avoid FEELINGS for sure...so I suppose it could be...What do you think??
Last subject (I am trying to put it all in one post so as to not 'over post' again..)
Why is is that when i lay down for 10 minutes or so i feel a little more range of motion in my neck...It's weird and seems like it is a bone thing or a muscle thing...But it's probably a conditioning thing i am sure...
THoughts are welcome as always...
God bless and hugs to all,
Karen |
| 12 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 13:11:27
I hear ya, CJB and I agree...although you wouldn't know it the way I talk sometimes...Oh yes...my music career was the number one thing in my life like forever, even b4 my art...Yes I searched for the record deal as well and also came close of several occasions...until some injury, death of a loved one, or TMS stopped me in my tracks...Now I would be thrilled to just be successful and healthy enough to pay my bills on time! Now I would be thrilled to find the man of my dreams, the ultimate soul mate I have searched the world over for...I don't feel like i need to be famous to be happy anymore, thank God...But I still do search on the outside for happiness far more often then i should...I know you are right, i need to go WITHIN and stay there long enough to FEEL what it is I am soooooo running away from...Then everything else will just fall into place naturally...You didn't rant, no worries..I love your replies fellow musician...keep them coming..ANd if there is anythign I can do to help you,,,please don't hesitate to ask me! Thanx again..
Karen |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 10:47:13
I am laughing..thanx TT and CJB...you guys are great! It's a strange world we live in, indeed...Well at least as an artist it doesn't matter how heavy or thin I am...I just have to die first to become famous!!! LOL!!!! Nah, cancel that...I am going to become famous WAY b4 I die! I chose to break the mold of the starving artist...Anyone want to see my work, btw...go to
www.visualobjects.net/karen_artworks.htm
You'll have to type it into the address line as it is...or you may end up at my friend Jaime's photography site which isn't unrelated to my art...He just made a link for me...Take care! |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 09:48:02
We live in a sick culture, primarily generated by in-escapable media, bomabarding us with unobtainable images, of role models who got that way through steroids, bullemia-anonrexia, obssessive-gyming, etc., and when the role "models" can't take it anymore, resort to heroin or heart-attacks as an out.
In our culture fat is viewed as evidence of "weak" character and one-upsmanship. "I'm thinner than he is...therefore, I am BETTER !"
Our culture has more money than brains; Soctates was forced to take hemlock for over-thinking. Thin good--thinking bad.
I changed my views on "over-weight", after viewing a documentary about an "overweight" ultra-athlete. He was a BIG guy and performed amazing long distances events. He would be seen as fat if judged by his exterior. But underneath the fat was an amazing Lance Armstrong like machine of a body. I've also played and been beaten by fat old tennis players who posseseed great games.
You never know what's underneath that flab. Throw your TV away--no actually give it to me; I need a new friend.
Happy Post Independence Day, Don't buy any Korean missles. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 09:40:59
Hiya CJB,
Thanks for your response...Let's support each other in getting back on track w/ the eating..Yes, working out comes easy to me too...I have only be able to go twice in the past 5 weeks cuz of the neck TMS..I was only able to do low body also..But the food thing...wow...a toughy...I was scared into abstinence when my neck went into acute attack mode...and i did great for 5 weeks straight! even lost a few while laid up! Now i am so scared cuz once i get off track it can take days or even weeks to muster up the will to get back on the horse..It's partly chemical because sugar is a highly addictive substance but mostly it's just conditioning and a terribly bad habit...I am going to talk to my therapist about it today, we have an appt. at 10AM on the phone...I support you in eating well today!!!! Take it ONE DAY AT A TIME...that is the only way... |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/05/2006 : 09:09:27
I hear ya TT, but in my case not really...Because in my singing career looks/being in shape are extremely important..And so I have occasionally lost gigs for being a mere 15 pounds overweight..Yes I know there are overweight singers who become successful,,,but that really is rare and you don't want to have something like that going against you...Also, I tend to date men who are as superficial (lol) as I can be about the whole looks thing...and a few have gotten on my case about losing a few from time to time..My ex fiance from Canada was a personal trainer, for ex. and I only needed to lose around 10...just that freaked him out...Also, my back/knee both do much better when i am thin... |
| tennis tom |
Posted - 07/04/2006 : 21:18:02
I use food for medication too. There are probably worse things one could be addicted to.  |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/04/2006 : 20:14:05
thanx Ali Cat and Paul...it helps to know i am not alone w/ this..Still struggling to regain abstinence from the overeating...Planning on starting fresh in the AM... |
| paulcote |
Posted - 07/04/2006 : 15:29:18
There is no doubt to me that food is a tms equivalent. Actually, I use food to change my state. Really it is a way to cover up my feelings, ie divert attention from feelings. So it accomplishes what other forms of tms do. |
| jrnythpst |
Posted - 07/04/2006 : 15:01:41
I think that food addiction very well could be related to tms as others suggested. I haven't been as hungry lately since the doctor validated me and didn't make me feel stupid or say sorry I don't know anything else I can do for you (as the one prior to this one told me). Plus all the medications we have been put on and off in the process of finding a true diagnosis triggers eating disorders,anxiety,depression...it's a vicious cycle. I have lost 11 pounds so far maybe more as I can fit into a pair of shorts I haven't been able to wear in a while. I still want to lose another 40 pounds but I know I am an emotional eater, so it seems to help with the TMS would also, in turn, help with the over eating.
Hugs,
Ali Cat |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/04/2006 : 09:06:27
Great replies C and Stryder,,,thanks so much..
You both make perfect sense, alot more sense then I make lately, lol...I am reading Fred Amir's book and reading Divided Mind..I have re read the other Sarno books so much in the past that the pages are literally falling out all over the place...The new thing I am doing is journaling and I think the lesson learned from yesterdays posts was when I am in a very negative place about this TMS stuff, I should journal in my notebook rather then bring anyone down on here...I misunderstood and thought that it might be helpful to just let it all hang out on here and be totally open and honest...I thought that perhaps it might also help someone else who is feeling the same to not feel so alone in their pain...But, i was probably wrong..It's probably better for me to do more inner work first and then come back to the forum w/ insights and accomplishments in my healing to report...Other then that, I should probably just report good news...Sorry for being draining to anyone who felt that way after reading something I wrote...That was not my intention... |
| Stryder |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 21:25:16
Hi Karen,
Any thing or process that will distrct you from your inner child's rage can act as a TMS equiv. You can obsess about anything at all, and that will act as a distraction.
Do gooders are unfortunately excellent at obsession.
The trick is to learn how to catch yourself doing whatever it is, and then, as BB65 says, "Let Go".
At the moment I still have the left overs of a TMJ problem going back 3 or 4 years when it was at its worst. I had swapped the debilitating LBP and sciatica for TMJ and fist clenching. So now I'm good at detecting (while I'm awake at least) when I'm bruxating and trying to actively stop. I've been at this for over a year, and the progress is slow but moving forward.
Hope this helps.
Take care, -Stryder |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/03/2006 : 19:44:34
Thanx C,
Great reply, it really helped me..You are so right...I will give it all careful consideration! I am so upset w/ myself right now..I missed my 3rd phone session w/ my TMS therapist cuz i was all 'high' on sugar! I forgot what day it was and i really screwed up..Tomorrow is a holiday so i won't hear back again from him til Weds. I feel so guilty for potentially messing up his schedule too..Now i just have to forgive myself and stop obsessing about this..It's like i am deliberatly trying to sabotage myself as today i went to the gym and took a 30 min walk...
I hear ya also about the obsessing about the TMS stuff..i definitely do that..But i don't think that is what's bothering my roomie/bro..He's just not a good nurse..He's good for awhile and then his attitude gets bad and I feel like i am bothering him every time i ask for something i need...Anyway...thanks again for replying..and have a great 4th!!! |
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