| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 10:05:57
Hi Everyone,
Well...The good news is that I am journaling and my second session w/ Don Dubin went very well, although I had a major flare up that night (a reaction to some of the deeper issues we uncovered)...He said that usually a client doesn't go that deep for about half a dozen sessions, so I am working fast! And my attitude is getting better, which is probably half the battle...
The other night I had to sit on the edge of my bed to read the Fred Amir book and I thought to myself "hmm, this isn't the greatest posture for your back..you don't want you back to start now do you?" I decided to sit there anyway...HOWEVER...that night my back started! So, the gremlin is moving around...Is that a good sign? I seem to remember someone on here telling me it was...
I did my usual ice and arnica and stretching and the back is already much better, almost pain free in just a few days...Soooo wish I could do that with my neck! I also talked to my brain and tried hard to realize that my back hurting after not for so long was a conditioned response...It would have probably been ideal if I just used TMS techniques to get rid of the back pain, but whatever works at this point because the neck is enough for me to handle and way worse then the back..
I had a weird thought i wanted to share with all of you, related to FEELINGS...I was wondering if part of me wanted it to switch from my neck to my back so I could feel more at home here, or more accepted by all of you...It seems the great majority of TMSers have it mostly in the back...An analogy would be that I used to go to OA (overeaters anonymous) meetings and occasionally I would go to AA as well...AA (alcoholics anonymous) is sooooo much more powerful and loving then OA which is alot newer, etc...So it was funny i used to think "Gee, I sure wish I were an alcoholic, these people are awesome!" Crazy, eh? Well it has alot to do with the issues i am dealing w/ right now in therapy...Feelings of ABANDONMENT AND REJECTION from family and some other people in my life either thru relationships ending or people dying..I am also dealing w/ feelings of being unacceptable at a core level of my being...INtense stuff to say the least...
Lastly on the top of the gremlin moving...This morning i pushed myself to go w/ my roomie and take my 2 doggies on walkies...(lol) it was great to get some AIR AND GET THE HECK OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! I have been doing a 15 min walk most days, except when the pain won't allow me...On the way out the door my big dog hit lightly into my right knee...THE KNEE that was seriously injured (for real) I tripped and smashed it into a curb last year and it ballooned up, etc. And it had been hurt in the dog park 4 years ago really bad as well..So there definitely was a real injury in there in the past...However, the body, as Dr. Sarno says HAS AMAZING CAPACITIES TO HEAL and if it carries on for many weeks, months, years or reoccurs it is probably TMS! In any case, i had to ice my knee after the walk today just because KC doodle dandy dog hit against it ever so slightly..That has GOT TO BE TMS....he couldn't have injured it..and it has healed well considering the injuries..I was working out in the gym, whole body, just 5 weeks ago b4 this neck TMS started again..So I am talking to that Gremlin in my subconscious mind and telling it to STOP IT RIGHT NOW, I AM ONTO YOU! Moving around to my back ,then my knee...at least the monster could give me a break and LEAVE MY NECK COMPLETELY when he moves around, but he doesn't ...he is firmly planted in the neck...for now...I am working on him getting out of there, permanently! That is his or her I should say favorite location for distraction...
I am going to push myself to go to the Messianic Synagogue ( a Jewish synagogue where the people believe that Yeshua (Jesus) is the Messiah..) (for those who are wondering) this morning come Hell or High water! I was going to have my roomie drive me to the gym too but i realized that i might be pushing it doing both in one day..So hopefully i will be able to do lower body tomorrow in the gym and one pound free weights on my biceps..don't want to totally lose all the muscle i worked so hard to get...
WHew this is a long one..At least i learned to make paragraphs so it is easier to read, lol...Trying to put it all in one so i don't litter the forum w/ too many posts...
Lastly, for real...hehe...My roomie and i had an argument over something stupid last night but i got really angry! And yes it went STRAIGHT to my neck...and i am still fighting it...BUT...I got out my notebook and started journaling as per the wonderful advice you all have given me...I wrote about how pissed i was and i also told him semi calmly, lol...how angry he made me and why..He knows it will irritate my neck and i even wonder if DEEP DOWN inside he trys on occasion to sabotage my healing because he is afraid that i will relocate back to New Jersey as soon as i sell enough art to be able to afford it and as soon as i heal from this neck TMS...Of course he denies that...We are fine today, we make up quickly...but it was good practice to go to the journaling b4 it lodged even more in my neck..
The neck is far from better yet...YET!!!! I SAID...to the gremlin inside! I am HEALING DAMN IT, pardon the curse words today i am feeling pretty passionate about getting better..I WANT TO PAINT AGAIN, SING AGAIN, DRIVE AGAIN, WORK OUT, HIKE, REACH FOR THINGS, LIFT THINGS, etc..I WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN...oh well...normal, Me, lol..that will never happen...I HAVE A NORMAL NECK...I HAVE A NORMAL BACK...and I HAVE NORMAL KNEES! AMEN! Hope you all have a great fourth of July!  |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/02/2006 : 00:01:16
Thanx for clarifying Susie... |
| Susie |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 22:24:39
Karen, no offense taken and I certainly meant none. I never talk about religion but you hit on something that has been curious to me. Art, it's interesting to me that you feel that the traditional views supported bigotry because I always felt that growing up.I think, now that I am older, I understand the bubbas a little more. I think they were always so afraid of extermination that they became very insulated. I think it was their form of protection. |
| art |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 18:23:29
Hi Susie,
My family is also quite traditional...I married a Jewish woman but we were soon divorced and after that it's been strictly non-Jews for me..My grandparents,were they still alive would be aghast, but it's really just another form of bigotry to my way of thinking...
Religion is the source of so much strife in the world, I honestly think we'd all be better oof without it..just my opinion here of course, and this is not to say I don't respect other people's beliefs because I do..
Hi Singer_Artist...Thanks for the kind words...You know I'm rooting for you and I'm so glad you're feeling better.. |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 17:00:22
Hi Joela,
Thanx for saying hi fellow New Jerseyite...I miss the Jersey shore sooooo much it hurts,literally..lol..I hope your neck feels 100 percent soon..I am here to support you in your healing as well..You are sooo lucky to be Dr. S's patient!
Hi Art,
Thanx for your comment about Messianics and your open mindedness my friend..Hope you have a great 4th! Talk to you soon!!
Hi Susie,
I wanted to add after reading both your posts that the synagogue that I go to Lev Hasham in Las Vegas is exactly like a regular synagogue, the studies of the Torah, the rabbi preaching, etc...80 percent of the congregation is Jewish and 20 percent are Christian/ Gentile..It's pretty beautiful having everyone worship God together actually...The only difference is that these Jewish people have come on their own to accept Yeshua (Jesus) as the Messiah..Other then that they never celebrate Christmas or Easter, they ONLY celebrate the Jewish holidays, they keep their Jewishness very much alive...The Messianic Jewish movement is not to be mistaken for Jews For Jesus who are really Christians...If you google it online you will find there is a difference between the 2 movements...In any case, I didn't mean to offend you or anyone at all..I am Jewish, btw...but Messianic and proud of it...I am not about trying to convert anyone, never have been...Again, i was just reporting the news about my life and my struggles with the TMS...Take care... |
| Singer_Artist |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 16:51:15
OMG...the last thing I wanted was to start some sort of religious or spiritual debate of any kind...PLEASE I don't want that sort of stress..I was merely reporting about my life to my friends on here, that is all..I am not about trying to convert someone's spiritual beliefs...As for an Oxymoron, that is not at all what the Messianics Jewish people believe...That is the way you perceive it...And again...I was not trying to start any kind of controversy...Now I wish I would have kept quiet about that part..Thanx for your advice everyone regarding not icing, etc..Appreciate it very much...Hope you don't alienate me because of my beliefs, I would never do that to you..To each his own...No one has the right to judge another, at least in my view... |
| joela |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 15:01:12
Hey Singer. I hope you come back to NJ soon!!!!! I too have symptoms all over. Even though I am a patient of Sarno, I still haven't figured it out yet. I see him again in 2 weeks at a group session. My neck always hurts like yours! Hang in there and I'm sure we'll figure it out! |
| Susie |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 14:39:00
Art, I was thinking about this some more and I wanted to add this. My family, parents and grandparents,were very afraid of loosing their customs and traditions when they moved to the "new country". Actually, I had one set of grandparents that moved back to the "old country" and were murdered by the czar. They would rather risk their life then live this "modern".Me and my sister were not allowed to date out of our religion. I thumbed my nose at all of it and married a Christian. I sound like someone out of Fiddler on the Roof. I now understand their fear as my nieces, nephews, and myself know very little about what was so important to them. I get this "feelings" about my jewishness but I really don't know all the rules. |
| Susie |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 14:29:38
Art- to my family it would be the equivalent of a christian not believing in Christ. I am not very religious and therefore lack alot of fundamental knowledge about Judiasm but isn't that the basis of our religion, that we are still waiting for the Mesiah? I am very much like you in that I have this "feeling" that my grandparents would abhore the concept. I must add that I believe in everyone's right be believe in whatever, but my boss is a messianic and I have been somewhat innundated with this theory. To me, they seem to be people that were born to Jews but later found that christ made more sense to them and so therefore became Christian. I think it is more of a conversion than a conjunction. |
| art |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 14:07:25
quote:
Originally posted by Susie
Karen, Quit icing. You are still reaffirming something structual. By the way, IMO for those of us that are jewish, a messianic jew is an oxymoron.
I'm Jewish, and I suppose it depends on how one defines his or her own "Jewishness." My parents are pretty religious and I'm not in the slightest, and yet in some fundamental, hard to explain kind of way, I don't feel any less Jewish than they...
There's a movement, or at least there was around here called "Jews for Jesus." Again, I never thought that they had in some way renounced their fundamental Jewishness...whatever that is...
If anything...
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| Susie |
Posted - 07/01/2006 : 13:38:48
Karen, Quit icing. You are still reaffirming something structual. By the way, IMO for those of us that are jewish, a messianic jew is an oxymoron. |
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