| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/06/2006 : 14:19:10
I have not had pain in so many months - maybe even longer and today - wham the hip sciatic pain is back - not full force but uncomfortable. In it's place, I have been very tired and still battling with skin problems but this has taken me by surprise.
Well - I am doing the same I always do - laughing it off and thinking about what is going on in my life. I have started dating this most wonderful man over the past 2 months. I am ecstatic and totally smitten. For those who know me, I went through a rough year a year ago breaking off an engagement. I am so thrilled that I have moved on from it and cannot believe how happy I am in to be with this man. He is like a dream! I wonder if I am a bit overwhelmed by it all.
On another note, I have been going through some shifts in my job - my boss has not been warm and fuzzy and I had a dream last night that I was told by one of the partners here that I am not good at my job. I wonder if this might be causing it. My new found confidence in my new relationship (this guy makes me feel so good about myself) is spilling over into my job. I don't really want to put up with my boss being patronising to me and not listening to me. He sort of waves me away. I am such a perfectionist as well and this might be manifesting itself into my new relationships.
This perfectionism causes so much stress. I had to meet my new guy's family and knew that he had told them quite a lot about me - that I had been married, had been engaged last year, was 6 years older and had had a drinking problem 5 years ago. I felt I should go in with a sign on my head saying "reject". He told me afterwards that they loved me. Interestingly enough, I didn't get back pain before I met the parents but I got too enormous boils on my face - horrifying! Skin problems just must be equivalents
Phew - I suppose all that has caused a build up and my brain has done what it always does - created a pain syndrome to take my mind off the emotions |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/07/2006 : 08:16:12
Great observations everyone. Thank you. Lots of food for thought for me that I can dwell on. I am so amazed by this relationship that it is dominating my life. To be honest - that is probably normal when you fall for someone. I absolutely know I am being really PERFECTIONIST in this relationship. I want him to like me so badly which is making me obssess over being perfect - NOT GOOD. This must be putting a lot of pressure on me and my unconscious is furious with the whole thing.
I actually am wondering now if I ever got rid of this TMS thing. I have noticed that I am not tired today because I have a little pain (it is less today). Also - my skin is suddenly really clear. After my back pain went away, I have been quite tired all the time. I thought it was because I was eating off my "blood type diet" but now I realize that that is all nonsense or at least I am wondering if it is. I ate lots of things I shouldn't have yesterday and I am not tired at all today - why - because I have the hip pain. My skin is glowingly clear.
Could all of these things be TMS equivalents? I think so. The question is - can one get rid of everything? My constipation has gone (after 10 years of that problem) but I still have fatigue and skin issues when I don't have the hip pain. I don't think I realized this until the hip pain has come back. Should I go back to the psychologist (oh the expense)
I think I might start overcoming the fears with the food and fatigue - do the same work as I did with the hip. I don't think I was convinced that these were TMS |
| Tunza |
Posted - 06/06/2006 : 16:13:50
quote:
I am so thrilled that I have moved on from it and cannot believe how happy I am in to be with this man. He is like a dream! I wonder if I am a bit overwhelmed by it all.
.....
It all seems so strange when I am so so happy in this relationship. Honestly - life is just so good right now. That is why I am surprised
Hi Suz,
Just a couple of observations that may or may not be significant:
You seem suprised that you can be in pain when your life is so good. You are actually meaning when your relationship is so good. You are putting a lot of pressure on your relationship as if it completely defines your whole life. As you can see from your dream your relationship cannot stop you from feeling negative about work. You are expecting it will which maybe is causing you to repress those feelings so they pop up in your dreams instead?
You are in the honeymoon phase of the relationship and even if you continue to have a wonderful life with this man the relationship will probably go through ups and downs. If you hope it will always be perfect how will that effect the other facets of your life? Is there a bit of unconscious fear that this relationship will not always be this good?
Just some thoughts. Might be totally off target.
You seem to be doing the right thing immediately thinking psychologically about all this so I'm sure the TMS will ease off more quickly this time.
Tunza |
| Michele |
Posted - 06/06/2006 : 16:00:54
quote:
Originally posted by Suz
I just thought about something else - maybe I am angry about being judged for my background - all the things I have been through. When I dwell on John telling his parents about me - I guess I do feel angry. His father is a retired FBI guy and when I asked JOhn if he did a background check on me - he didn't disagree - just smiled. Wow - right now I actually feel furious. I mean - who do these people think i am. Am I supposed to be perfect?????? Wow! It is because of my past that I am who I am and quite frankly, he is lucky to be with me!!! John told me he admires me for the way I have dealt with my difficulties in my past. you know what - I guess I feel judged and sort of examined by them all. Phew! NIce - Michelle - this might be at the bottom of it!
Yes, he is lucky to be with you! And it sounds like the two of you have really hit it off. You don't need approval from his parents - you aren't dating them. And you can certainly admire his relationship with his parents - heck, I'm actually kind of jealous of my husband's relationship with his family - but there is a certain amount of privacy that everyone maintains, particularly about their past, and I think the boundaries were crossed.
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| Suz |
Posted - 06/06/2006 : 15:47:41
I just thought about something else - maybe I am angry about being judged for my background - all the things I have been through. When I dwell on John telling his parents about me - I guess I do feel angry. His father is a retired FBI guy and when I asked JOhn if he did a background check on me - he didn't disagree - just smiled. Wow - right now I actually feel furious. I mean - who do these people think i am. Am I supposed to be perfect?????? Wow! It is because of my past that I am who I am and quite frankly, he is lucky to be with me!!! John told me he admires me for the way I have dealt with my difficulties in my past. you know what - I guess I feel judged and sort of examined by them all. Phew! NIce - Michelle - this might be at the bottom of it! |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/06/2006 : 15:42:40
Hmm, interesting. Actually - it didn't bother me at all about him telling his parents - he is very very close to them and values their opinion. I never even thought of it like that. I like that his family is so close and can support one another.
I definitely have confidence on my own - but it is so refreshing to be with someone who is so charming and nice to me after my past 3 year experience. I feel the same way about him and compliment him alot. He must like that too - anyone would.
I think I have anger about my job mixed with insecurity. My boss does not mean to patronize me but he does and it is starting to drive me crazy. I set very high standards for myself and so feel insecure in addition. I think it might be time to change my position. I will debate on whether I am angry or not. last night, I was so so angry and upset in my dream - whenever this has happened, I have had pain. I am absolutely exhausted as well which is all TMS.
It all seems so strange when I am so so happy in this relationship. Honestly - life is just so good right now. That is why I am surprised |
| Michele |
Posted - 06/06/2006 : 15:21:50
I'm sorry you're having pain Suz. I remember everything you went through and know you had a rough time. I'm sure if you continue to do the work, you'll get through this rough patch.
I'm curious though, why on earth would your new beau tell his parents about your past? It really had nothing to do with him or his parents. If you wanted to share that with them, I would think it would be your choice, not his.
It also makes me uncomfortable when I hear someone talk about a new relationship in terms of making them feel good about themselves, or having a new found confidence, as if you didn't have those qualities before you met this person. Suz, I'm sure you DO have those qualities and you should give credit to yourself.
Could there be some underlying anger with yourself about the new relationship? Or how you are handling things with the job?
Trust me, I don't mean to sound harsh, but sometimes an objective view can help in tracking down the problem.
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