| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 03/28/2006 : 06:24:23
I wanted to share a portion of my dream last night:
I remember having to take some sort of exam that was compulsory for whatever situation I was in (I can't recall at present). I remember walking into the room where the test was given and being teased by the other guys in the room, I felt very nervous.
Eventually other came to take the test and asked for scrap paper--something no one else had done--received my scrap paper and proceeded to ace the test.
I then found out that the test that I took was not genuine, that it had been contrived by someone (my sister? I can't recall) and I had to take it over again. It was going to be longer and harder. I kicked and screamed (literally) when I heard this news.
Now cut to the second portion of my dream which may or may not be related to what I just described. I remember being very distraught over how I was feeling physically. I called my psychologist, met her and proceceded to break down crying over my situation. Lamenting over how recovery seems so distant, so bleak, etc. She began crying too.
When I woke up I was shaken up a bit and there was a noticeable amount of fear, especially in regards to the later half of what I just described. While it was good that I expressed such an outpour of emotion in my dream, it frightened me at the prospect of getting well.
Is this just my unconscious trying to scare me?
Thanks.
Seth |
| 3 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| yowire |
Posted - 03/28/2006 : 17:55:28
Seth asked about my comment:
quote:
"You are still using up all your emotional energy on the deception that is TMS."
What do you mean by this? And can you give any advice how I might go about taking this second test.
Let me explain it this way. Some of us have a highly sensitive personality. I gather from your posts that, like myself, you fall into this category. A sensitive individual starts out with a real emotional life with real emotional trauma. For me this emotional life included things like friends moving away, pets dying, enduring angry outbursts, being bullied, being rejected, failing, extended periods of loneliness, several deaths in the family, and so on. At some point, the unconscious mind becomes so terrified of your real emotional life that it creates a fake emotional life for you. It does this by creating physical or psychological symptoms. Somehow this must give the unconscious mind relief.
Now, instead of feeling the real emotions of your real life, you are feeling fearful of your symptoms, sad about your symptoms, angry about your symptoms, worried about your symptoms, frustrated by your symptoms, guilty about your symptoms, ashamed of your symptoms and so on.
Not only does this help to keep past emotional trauma repressed but it also prevents you from any further damage due to present and future emotional trauma since you are completely wrapped up in the fake emotional life. Its almost as if the unconscious mind is OK with the emotions created in this way because it knows they are not based on reality no matter how intense they are. It is terrified of the real emotional life.
I think that this strategy drains your emotional energy so even if you come upon a real emotional event you won't feel it as intensely or at all. I believe that this is why, when doing the work such as journalling, we hit upon an emotional trauma but we just can't seem to feel anything. We say to ourselves " I should really be upset about this and crying but I can't feel anything." The reason is that we've already drained our emotional energy on our TMS symptoms.
The first thing a sensitive person needs to ask themselves when beginning the TMS work is "Do I want to feel the real emotions of my real life again." You may say "of course I do", but if you really dig deep and are totally honest, you may be surprised at the answer. When I asked myself this question and tried to answer it honestly, I was shocked to find out that I was not really sure that this is what I wanted. I have resolved to do everything possible to make sure the answer is yes.
I have begun a practice that is really helping me. When I catch myself starting to fret about my symptoms, I say in my mind "I will feel the emotions of my real life, not my phoney TMS life." Then I begin thinking about what may be bothering me or what I'm angry about past or present. It doesn't even have to be about negative emotions. I may start thinking about things I'm looking forward to that I may be emotionally charged up about. Anything that has to do with my real emotional life.
Yowire |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 03/28/2006 : 10:24:17
Yowire,
That was nothing short of outstanding. Your interpretation feels spot on, especially since I rebelled so violently against taking the second test (facing my true emotional life). You said:
"You are still using up all your emotional energy on the deception that is TMS."
What do you mean by this? And can you give any advice how I might go about taking this second test.
Thanks!!
Seth
Seth |
| yowire |
Posted - 03/28/2006 : 09:36:32
Hi Seth,
These dreams obviously appear to be about your current TMS.
Here is my interpretation.
The test represents the current work you are doing on TMS. The other guys who teased you represent that part of yourself that doubts that the TMS work will benefit you. The scrap paper represents all the extra efforts you have made in your TMS battle such as seeing DR. Sarno, posting on the board, seeing a therapist, journalling, etc.
Aceing the test represents the truly admirable effort you have made so far. Finding out that the test was not genuine means you've discovered you still haven't got it right yet. For the reason why the test will now be longer and harder, the answer is in the second part of the dream.
In this dream you say you were distraught over how you are feeling physically. This is actually coming from your unconscious mind's point of view. What it really means is that, unconsciously, you are feeling distraught emotionally. You say recovery seems so distant, so bleak. This actually means that your emotional recovery seems so far off and so terrifying. Your psychologist represents your conscious mind. That fact that she starts crying also means that consciously you really don't want to face your emotions either. The fear you had upon waking was the fear of facing your true emotional life.
I think these dreams mean that although you have given an outstanding effort at the TMS work, you still are not feeling the real emotions of your real life. You are still using up all your emotional energy on the deception that is TMS.
Yowire |
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