| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/19/2006 : 11:33:35
I've since thrown myself headfirst into the TMS work, trying hard and sticking with it for the first time. Much of the fear is gone--due in large part to reading Anne Weekes--but I have an issue that I would appreciate advice on.
It's one that I have mentioned on this board before. I would like to explain how I'm approaching it and hear what you think.
I have been doing a great job of getting out there and meeting other gay men. It's wonderful to finally begin to establish a circle of friends that I can relate to. All of them are really nice guys. The kicker is that when they are discussing previous or current relationships, or even people they find attractive in the media I start to get depressed. Why? Because my sex drive is so low after all of the year of dealing with this! And I know it's normal to feel this way, especially having gone through what I did; and I know that it will go away eventually, but it's very difficult to deal with.
So when I'm out with my friends and I start thinking these thoughts, I acknowledge my fear, trying not to run away or suppress it. Is this the correct approach?
I understand that sexuality is a big part of my TMS, but I also understand that forcing myself into a sexual situation thinking that this way I will be facing my fears and thus alliveating my TMS is incorrect as well. I now understand that all these "musts" that were swimming through my brain before, i.e., I must do this, I must do that in order for TMS to go away are not to be paid attention to. The answer lies in abolishing the fear and making the mind body connection.
Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated!
As always, thanks.
Oh, I almost forgot to add, my psychiatrist recently added a medication to my combination called Vistaril. It's actually an antihistamine with some anti-anxiety properties. It's supposed to not be addictive. Anyway, it really has made a difference in helping my mind calm down and do the work necessary to fight TMS.
Seth |
| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/24/2006 : 16:11:48
I'm currently on lexapro, wellbutrin and vistaril. I really have no problems with ejaculation, and to tell you the truth, the lack of sex drive was there before I started the meds.
Seth |
| drziggles |
Posted - 02/24/2006 : 15:20:14
What other meds are you on? Just about all of the other psych meds can absolutely kill your sex drive, so that would be far more likely than hormonal problems or other secondary causes...
The other possibility is that it is anxiety and neuroses about sex that have made you lose your sex drive. You may have more work to do before you really feel comfortable with the idea yourself as a gay man...what better way for your unconscious to handle that than to turn off your sex drive all together, right? |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/24/2006 : 13:38:26
I was just curious if the approach I'm taking to this matter sounds ok. Basically just letting the thoughts pass, and not getting obsessed and caught up with them because there's nothing wrong with me and if I do that, everything will slowly revert back to normal.
I really respect the advice you guys and gals give here, so that's why I'm being persistant.
Seth |
| kalo |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 19:46:27
quote:
But lately, there's this voice in my head telling me I'm not gay, denying what I know to be true and spent so many years repressing. I find this quite odd. I know it's not true, but I wonder where it's coming from...
This sounds like OCD another form of TMS  |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 18:42:27
While I'm almost positive I'm NOT asexual, I do agree that by putting all this pressure on myself, I'm adding to the fear and rage and that it's something I should explore.
It's funny, because I KNOW I'm gay and have since puberty. But lately, there's this voice in my head telling me I'm not gay, denying what I know to be true and spent so many years repressing. I find this quite odd. I know it's not true, but I wonder where it's coming from...
Seth |
| kalo |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 18:22:11
quote:
I have been doing a great job of getting out there and meeting other gay men. It's wonderful to finally begin to establish a circle of friends that I can relate to. All of them are really nice guys. The kicker is that when they are discussing previous or current relationships, or even people they find attractive in the media I start to get depressed. Why? Because my sex drive is so low after all of the year of dealing with this! And I know it's normal to feel this way, especially having gone through what I did; and I know that it will go away eventually, but it's very difficult to deal with.
Hi Seth,
This has nothing to do with TMS, well, maybe it does, but if you have been to doctors got the usual check i.e. hormones, testosterone,etc. check out and everything is okay...
You could be homosexual/asexual! This not a joke! I know of some men who claim that they are homosexual, and want to be with the same sex only that they don't want the sex.
These men have told me thousands of times that this is a problem when dating.
IT DOES exist!! Not really understanding your sex drive i.e. putting tons of pressure on you is probably attributing to your TMS.
There is a website on Asexuality that you might want to check out...TONS of information!
I am not saying that you are a gay/asexual it's just a thought. Buy educating yourself it could help your TMS.
Good Luck! Kalo |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/21/2006 : 17:23:19
Help! : ]
Seth |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 02/19/2006 : 18:26:58
I think I did a couple of years back, although I'm certain that that is not my problem. I'm done with the doctor runarounds. I think being in pain and obsessing about your body for seven years is enough to throw anything out of whack. Thank you for your unput though.
Seth. |
| molomaf |
Posted - 02/19/2006 : 16:03:57
Hi Seth,
You may have talked about this in another thread and I am not at all an expert but have you had your hormones(testosterone,estrogen and thyroid) tested? I know that in women who are low in testosterone, sexual desire may be low.
Worth a try to see if you are low in some hormone.
Take care
Michele |
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