| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 12/18/2005 : 18:21:21
Psychotherapy is going well, difficult, but I can see why Sarno thought it was necessary in my particular case.
A large part of my TMS symptoms stem from my sexuality, i.e., being gay, being closeted for so long, not having any sort of relationship, sexual or otherwise, and overall being uncomfertable with who I am as a person.
But the more I talk about these issues in therapy, the more that my therapist tells me that I need to start going out and dating, meeting other guys, essentially living life.
I went on a date on Friday! My first ever date with a guy, and things went really well!
I'm just scared, primarily because I have had no romantic or sexual experience at all in my life, but also, as you can imagine, because of my TMS.
I'm scared that my symptoms will get in the way, that my libido--which has been severely dampened from being in pain for so many years and focusing so heavily on my body--will never increase, and that I'll end up caught in the same endless somatic cycle.
Granted, taking these steps, putting myself out there and actually going through with a date, are huge for me. And I'm pretty sure this is the correct path. It's scary though.
My mind screams, "Wait Seth! Wait until the symptoms are gone and when you're no longer on antidepressants!" But my mind is wrong. Right? I know, I know, antidepressants can cause decreased libido and the like, but to tell you the truth, not only do I greatly need them right now, but my libido was shot prior to starting.
Also, the day after my date, the burning/irritation pain in my urethra started up again. It's been on and off for the past few months, but recently I spoke to Sarno on the phone, explained it to him and how I felt it was related to the Lexparo. He said nonsense, it's TMS for sure. Convienient that this sexual symptom should flare, huh?
I just need some tender advice, which I know everyone on this board is so capable of dispensing.
Thanks! And Happy Holidays to all!
Seth |
| 8 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 12/20/2005 : 13:46:42
Andrew, I completely agree with you: that nothing in life—romantic, TMS, or otherwise—should ever be forced.
I need to get out there and start dating. I feel this is essential, especially for someone my age.
And I know that I cannot wait any longer, I cannot wait till my symptoms go away before embarking on romantic journeys.
I’m just so pissed at myself and my brain! That I have to deal with all of these pains makes the situation even more difficult. ARG!
Seth |
| Andrew2000 |
Posted - 12/20/2005 : 08:40:36
[size=2]I'm terribly scared of seeing this guy again and dating others because my sexual appitite is pretty shot from years and years of pain and physical symptoms. This is understandible, is it not? And how can I work through this? Should I just stay secure in the knowledge that I need to keep pushing forward, having these new experiences, and that it will return in time?
Hi Seth - I'm neither a shrink nor a medical doctor so I wouldn't want to give you advice that's not correct 'on the books' - but my feeling is that there should be no "shoulds" involved in your recovery ... I'd let stuff unfold in its own time - when you're interested and ready to meet someone special, it'll happen. I wouldn't force it ... things like anxiety, depression, fear - all of these can affect sexual appetite.
I'd take this time to discover more about yourself - and as you learn more and let your emotions relax - your horizons will expand, your s. appetite will come back in full force, and eventually you'll meet the kind of people you want to be with. |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 12/19/2005 : 19:51:23
Everyone: Your responses are heartfelt, and I truly appreciate that. And so timely too!
What was written makes sense, but I have a few questions I'm hoping you can help me answer:
1. I am aware that in certain situations specific emotions must be felt in order to fully crystalize healing; can it also be said, then, that going out and dating and getting involved with another man, essentially exploring the sexuality that was repressed for so many years, is indespensible in my particular case?
2. I have mentioned I am under the care of Dr. Sarno and one of his therapists. The pain/irritation felt in my urethra began over the summer. When I saw Sarno he noted how I did not need to see a urologist. It mostly went away, but did flare again. I wanted to blame on the Lexapro (a medication I was on for over two years with nary a urological symptom) and called Sarno, who said it was TMS. Now that it has flared again, coincidentily the day after my date. I'm scared that I have some sort of (urinary) infection, but Sarno has told me multiple times, TMS. This fear is unfounded, right? I should basically view Sarno as my primary doctor, and if he felt I needed this checked out he would have told me, correct?
3. I'm terribly scared of seeing this guy again and dating others because my sexual appitite is pretty shot from years and years of pain and physical symptoms. This is understandible, is it not? And how can I work through this? Should I just stay secure in the knowledge that I need to keep pushing forward, having these new experiences, and that it will return in time?
That's all I can think of for now. Your help is incredible. Thanks!
Seth |
| n/a |
Posted - 12/19/2005 : 08:47:21
Actually, Elaine Aron in her book "The Highly Sensitive Person" says that what many diagnose is shyness is merely a manifestation of being a sensitive person. Book is well worth reading for people with TMS as it will give you insights into yourself and personality. |
| celestica |
Posted - 12/19/2005 : 06:41:14
HI Seth,
I'm so impressed that you had the courage to go out on a date! Congratulations from a formerly very nervous dater. Something that helped me was a book called "the Gift of Shyness" which has excellent strategies for calming the inner critic when meeting new people. It was written by a painfully shy guy who used drama techniques to overcome the fears associated with meeting new people.
Something that also may help to increase your comfort zone with the same sex thing is joining an activity club with other gay men. Like, a choir, or a hiking club, sport club, reading club etc. The focus is on the activity and not the intense one on one experience.
Good luck with your future prospects and therapy. I'm sure you will blossom faster than you ever thought possible.
Amelia |
| n/a |
Posted - 12/19/2005 : 01:58:10
Hi Seth
I think you should congratulate yourself on making this huge step. Can you imagine being able to go on a date a year ago? Think how far you have come. That's success in my book.
OK, your unconscious brain may not recognise your progress yet, but focusing your conscious brain on the big step you were able to make is, in my experience, part of the de-conditioning process.
By the Way - gay marriage becomes legal in the UK today, giving gay couples the same legal rights as straight couples. The results of an opinion poll run by the TV news station that I have on right now are 76% of people are in favour, with 24% opposed. The first ceremony takes place in Belfast, in Northern Ireland this morning.
Best wishes
Anne |
| Laura |
Posted - 12/18/2005 : 21:38:41
Seth,
I could not have said it any better than Andrew. Good luck to you and go easy on yourself.
Laura |
| Andrew2000 |
Posted - 12/18/2005 : 20:10:31
Seth ... my advice is simple, but hope that it may help you as you move forward: just stay true to yourself. Do what feels right for you - go at your own pace. Don't compare yourself to others ... and take it slow ...
I think the TMS symptoms will eventually abate when they no longer have a reason to distract you from all that seems frightening at this moment ... nothing is more powerful than sexuality ... but being honest, real and courageous about your choices in life can help you stay strong ... it starts and ends with you. |
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