| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| marytabby |
Posted - 10/25/2005 : 16:52:38
Hello all,
I have been offered a position today with a different group at my company. It's a pretty substantial promotion one for me. It is a position in which I am going to be managing two other people. So for once in my life I'm being given a chance to prove myself and I also got a decent raise with the offer. It's quite an undertaking to be taking this step, believe me. I will be responsible for these people's development and performance and I've never managed before. It's a big step for me because I stay in the comfort zone too much at my job. Ok, so now that this good news has come to fruition today after 5 grueling interviews, I can breathe.
Now I have a challenge. Now that the reality has sunk in that I actually got the job, I am of course obsessing on all the "what if's": what if I fail, what if I don't live up to their expectations of me and I get fired, what if my two subordinates hate me, what if I don't fit in to the new group, on and on. I know part of my feelings today are also excitement for this great news. But I can feel some tightness in my lower back and don't want this to blow up into TMS. Part of the problem is I am conditioned because my back started up literally a year ago on my first day on a new job (before I knew about TMS). So you can see how I'm doing this. I am letting my thinking go astray and I'm assuming it will happen again to me first day on the job or even before the first day due to obsessive negative thoughts. Can anyone offer any advice so I don't sabotage my good blessing? |
| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| marytabby |
Posted - 10/26/2005 : 11:09:57
Thanks Michelle! |
| molomaf |
Posted - 10/26/2005 : 08:44:37
Just want to say congratulations, Mary!
Michele |
| marytabby |
Posted - 10/26/2005 : 06:42:28
Wrldtrv,
I agree, it's catastrophizing at its worst. I will try to look at it as such. I used to have the Feeling Good Workbook. Wonder if I still do. I will check on that and revisit it. Thanks! |
| marytabby |
Posted - 10/26/2005 : 04:31:49
Jane,
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I will try some of your suggestions. I did read that posting on Both Eyes Open and will read it again. Thanks for the encouraging words.
Mary |
| ladyblue |
Posted - 10/26/2005 : 01:48:14
Hello Mary,
Have you read Peter Mckays recent posting "Both eyes Open"? as I feel it's very relevant to your current situation.
"The Power of Fear" was the title of a post I did recently as well and I think the responses I recieved may be helpful, I know they were to me.
It is as wrldtrv says, catastrophizing, and I've done it as long as I can remember...until recently.
I won't do it any more Mary, if I'm honest I've probably spent more time "living in the scenes that play out in my mind", than I have in reality, or the here and now.
Now, as soon as I feel it happening I intercept it and ground myself back into the moment I'm actually in.
I shift my focus to an object in front of me and study it, or I make myself count something...like how many books I can see, or how many cars I can see etc depending on where I am. It breaks the chain of thought Mary and doesn't allow the programming to have control.
It's a bit like dealing with argueing children, the quickest way to end the confrontation is to step in with a distraction, their focus switches and the disagreement is instantly irrelevant.
I'm also learning to trust. To trust in what happens, to trust that I'm where I'm meant to be and that it's the right place for me and the trust that I'm now feeling is slowly dispelling the fear.
Mary you earnt your promotion. You came through five interviews. During those interviews you would have been focused on your responses to their questions, your attention would have been in the here and now and they chose you because they trusted in your obvious ability.
I think that this is oppurtunity for you Mary, not a challenge.
Party in the moment you're in, revel in your success. What's happened in the past is way back, it's gone and anyway that happened to the person you were back then and that person didn't have the knowledge and awareness that you have now.
I have the ability to travel way ahead in time in my mind, living out allsorts of scenarios, concluding them with a disaster of one form or another and it's that thought process that held me in fear, but not anymore, the only journeys I take are the ones I'm actually in.
So go to work Mary, but not before you're due to be there, meet your new staff, but not before they're standing in front of you and as for success....well that one you can start enjoying right now, it's already here.
Sorry I've rambled a bit on this Mary but I hope something I've said may help.
Wishing you all the very best....Jane.
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| wrldtrv |
Posted - 10/25/2005 : 21:53:04
Mary,
Here's where you can use some cognitive therapy on yourself. What you have been doing, of course, is catastrophizing; imagining all the horrible things that could go wrong. You have no evidence that these bad things will happen, but that doesn't matter; thinking this way has become habitual. So, the way out is to consciously dispute these negative thoughts, one by one. Write down the negative thought. Then write down your beliefs about it (eg, "I know my subordinates will hate me"). List the consequences of having these beliefs (eg, I feel anxious...) Now, dispute those beliefs (eg, "How do I know they will hate me? I've never even met them."). Finally, state your new idea based upon more realistic evidence ("I'm looking forward to working with these new people. Sure, it's possible one or the other won't like me, but even if that were so, would that be the end of the world? Probably not...)
You get the idea. There are several good books that deal with cognitive therapy, but I caution you; it requires a lot of work doing the exercises over and over again because you are trying to reverse a lifetime of negative programming. I have been familiar with this therapy for years but it is only in the past several months that I have been trying it on myself with mixed results. When I do the "ABC's" over and over again it seems to help, but often I get lazy about it and go back to my old comfortable way of thinking and pay the price.
Books you might look at:
Mind Over Mood
The Feeling Good Handbook-Burns
Anxiety and Depression (Dialectical Therapy)
Hope this helps. |
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