| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| vlada |
Posted - 09/21/2005 : 13:24:23
Hi,
I have been having pain in my low back, upper buttocks for over a year now. Pain is not debilitating and imaging was normal. No disc problems or anything like that. It was reassuring to hear that everything is ok but pain would come back and I could never figure out why no matter what I tried.
Since pain onset started 6 months after the largest turmoil in my life (unexpected mother's death) I started to suspect it might be connected to something that was "in my head". Finally finding about Sarno made perfect sense and I've quickly accepted the diagnosis. I was ecstatic.
I am a blueprint Sarno type. High achiever, perfectionist (in my work), goodist. I have insatiable need to be liked/adored by my friends and coworkers. I would go so much out of the way to help people out that it was ridicilous. On the other side I was always emotionally closed. Feelings that were frightening to me (being upset at people I love) were promptly burried away. Events that would normally upset everyday people I somehow could not care less. I was never anxious, always relaxed.
My father loved me the most in the world and I knew it but he was very emotionally closed. My mother loved me as much and two of us had amazing emotional connection. We would talk and talk about everything for hours while connection with my dad never had such a depth. My mother's death shattered me in every single aspect of my life but I could not ignore this event like I ignored other events in the past. Right after my mother's death I tried to overload myself with work so I could prevent myself from "thinking about it". I stopped socializing and felt betrayed (having her taken away). I could not understand how all the good I was trying to do can "return" to me so horribly (mother's death). My life philosophy ("do as much good as you can and good will return to you") that my parents taught me was proven wrong. Being devastated does not even comes close to describe how I felt. I got some help to learn how to grieve properly. I wish I had been raised in religious environment so I can accept concepts like heaven and death easier.
Anyhow, I am rereading "Mindbody prescription", doing reflections on how I have probably enraged myself without realizing it and journalling about it. It has been over a month since I have started and I have not seen any pain reduction. I have started to go out more lately and have had more relaxing time where I can avoid thinking about pain. That helped.
However, I think I am not good at journaling and digging through 25+ years of being emotional stone and I would like to hear some advice how to do it properly and how to proceed from here.
Appreciate it.
Regards,
Vladimir
|
| 2 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| holly |
Posted - 09/22/2005 : 18:00:54
Valda,
The death of a mother has to be one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. Especially a daughter. I know all too first hand. 3 years and I am still haunted just about everyday. The same with other women I know. TMS or "extreme TMS" in this case just makes sense. Give it alot of time, even a year possibly. This is an issue that is almost impossible to come to terms with for the ones who grieve ESPECIALLY a daughter that had a close loving relationship.
~Holly~ |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 09/21/2005 : 13:44:20
I made a list of every single person,place,thing or idea in the world that made me angry.One subject per page.
after each name,I listed what it was about them that made me angry.
Than ,underneath each one,I wrote about how it affected me ....was it my self esteem,security,Money,personal relationships,sex relationships..whatever.
Lastly,and most importantly I wrote a fourth column:where had I been selfish,self seeking,frightened or dishonest.
I actually borrowed this format from another process,but it worked excellent in exposing a lot of the angers that I THOUGHT I was Ok with.
also...remember..journaling is only one part of a three part program.
reconditioning your brain and refuting the diagnosis are also critical to recovery from TMS.
-Marc
Baseball65 |
|
|
