| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| lobstershack |
Posted - 09/11/2005 : 14:59:54
Hello.
Over the past couple of weeks I've come to realize exactly what is necessary in order for me to nip TMS in the bud once and for all. I mentioned previously how I had printed up a hard copy of the thread I had started, "what a day..." and brought it in with me to therapy. This was perhaps one of the best things I could have done for myself because I believe it truly allowed my therapist to fully realize exactly what has been going on in my head.
I understand now that I must forcefully shift my attention from my symptoms, while working to dispel the surrounding fears. This is no easy feat, but something I have finally come to grasp. Whereas for the past ten or so month I had been devouring any and all self-help literature--Sarno included--I still was focused heavily on, as my therapist calls it, "my constellation of symptomatology." I was under the assumption that the more times I read Sarno et al. the faster I would recover; and that reiterating the theories verbatim in my head was sufficient. I now know this is far from the case.
But, when all is said and done, it did lead me to where I am now, and that is all that is important. In fact, this is something I have told myself that I should in fact celebrate. (Seth stop being so hard on yourself and give credit where credit is due for once!)
In a previous post I had mentioned the nagging heartburnish type symptom I had developed recently that I have been obsessing over, which started up again for the second time shortly after I had my "breakdown" about two weeks ago. Now another symptom (hooray) has started. Recently, and I apologize for the somewhat graphic nature of this, after, ahem, spilling my seed, I felt this mild burning pain in my urethra (whatever the name for the exit tube is), and now for the past day or two, it seems to be sticking around.
I mentioned this to my psychiatrist, noting how maybe it was a sexual side-effect of the medication, and he said that while Cymbalta can cause sexual side-effects, he's never heard of what I was describing. Suffice it to say, I'm pretty certain that this, along with the chest pain is TMS. I do have a physical next Monday, and if these symptoms are still present I'll definitely mention them to the doctor, but bearing in mind my personal history, it makes sense.
And this is not the first time a sexual symptom has befallen me. About five years or so back I developed pretty bad testicular pain that got me worried about all sorts of things--cancer included. I had it checked out I believe by three urologists and guess what? Nothing.
Perhaps this is TMS "on the run" so to speak, perhaps not--I think it's best not to over analyze the situation. I sometimes think, what would someone who wasn't prone to psychosomatic symptoms do if a symptom I had just described emerged in their body? Most likely, they would just try and ignore it and it would eventually disappear. But for me, the desire to focus and obsess on it is irresistible, and I've finally realized this. I now can catch myself in the act and label exactly what is going on.
Then old medical fears begin to creep back, the ones that have played over and over hundreds of times in my mind, but somehow seem just as fresh and scary as ever.
I don't know if I mentioned how I was treated with huge quantities of antibiotics for Lyme disease a couple years back--to no avail--when that was what I thought was plaguing me. Yet, I have the strong desire to ask for a LD test when I go for my physical. And I guess if it will give me peace of mind once and for all it couldn't hurt. But it's not the answer. Granted, I did begin running the park trails this spring and I even found a tick on my toe one day but I was able to blow it off since it hadn't attached yet (thankfully). And as you can imagine I constantly checked myself over--I even got my father involved in the fun.
So where am I going with all of this? I now am armed with the knowledge necessary to eradicate TMS once and for all. I know now that instead of rushing to the board or one of Sarno's books, I have to gather up the courage to not allow this to rule my life anymore. And while I am having success with ignoring the symptoms--as hard as it may be sometimes--I still have a large amount of fear. I'm pretty certain that this is something that one cannot force away, that it will basically dissipate slowly over time. Can anyone offer any advice on how to work through the fear?
I know I'm going to look back on all of this and scoff at how nutty it made me, but it just feels so scary and so real. I feel like the symptoms I have are just so much worse than anyone else's--I'm sure everyone feels this way. But when Sarno says to dismiss any structural diagnoses, is it safe to say that this also applies to labels that weren't structural like Lyme Disease?
I feel like I'm closer than ever to reaching the end of the tunnel, but I am very scared. It's scary finall beginning to realize everything these pains and symptoms have been preventing me from doing, the things that deep down were very frightening for whatever reason.
I feel very trapped. The prospect of merely ignoring these symptoms and their resultant thoughts is so terrifying!
Seth |
| 4 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Calvin |
Posted - 09/11/2005 : 22:39:32
quote:
And this is not the first time a sexual symptom has befallen me. About five years or so back I developed pretty bad testicular pain that got me worried about all sorts of things--cancer included. I had it checked out I believe by three urologists and guess what? Nothing.
This is now my new thing. With the same result as you - doc can't find a thing. I had a vasectomy 7 weeks ago and I can't shake the pain, and I can almost be 99% sure its TMS.
Its like you wrote how I am feeling, Seth. I also over focus, over analyze, over research. Something about information overload really haunts people like us. I can remember when I was a teenager and had horrible panic attacks. I never knew what they were, no one told me, I just dealt with them and as time went on, they eventually went away. Had I had internet access back then, I know I would've researched it to death. Luckily, teenage hormones kicked in and I became more interested in dating and such.
But now is a different story. Its the information age and we can bring up literally anything we want to know in seconds. Its a double edged sword, though - its really hard for me to know where to draw the line between researching and over-obsessing. Yet one very good thing has come of this: I've searced this forum over the last month for certain keywords that pop into my head, and I have never met a group of people that have EXACT traits as I do. I've been on anxiety and depression and OCD bulletin boards, but this particular forum, by far, seems to mirror EXACTLY what is going through my head. When I started reading MBP, I found out that anxiety, depression, and OCD are equivalents of TMS. Researching this forum only further nailed that fact.
I also feel as you do, that I'm onto something really big here and I'm finally having to face it - its pretty scary, but its also something that I'm eager to see through. I've had horrible panic episodes, only to face them and come out a much better person after going through it. I'll apply that same mentality to TMS and see how that works.
|
| drziggles |
Posted - 09/11/2005 : 20:43:17
Please don't get tested for Lyme disease again. The worst thing that could happen to you is a false positive test (which is fairly common) to distract you from your real problem of TMS. LD would fit exactly in the category of structural diseases... |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 09/11/2005 : 16:08:54
Another thought: what do you do for fun? Maybe you need to follow Laura’s lead in spending more time having fun. That would be a very good way of diverting your attention from your symptoms. The more time you spend having fun, the less time you have to think about your symptoms.   
Maybe you should make a rule for yourself: every time you find yourself thinking about your symptoms, you should think of a new thing to do which involves having fun. (And then do it, of course!) |
| HilaryN |
Posted - 09/11/2005 : 15:56:30
quote:
I was under the assumption that the more times I read Sarno et al. the faster I would recover; and that reiterating the theories verbatim in my head was sufficient.
Me too. I bet lots of people go through that stage.
quote:
But, when all is said and done, it did lead me to where I am now, and that is all that is important. In fact, this is something I have told myself that I should in fact celebrate. (Seth stop being so hard on yourself and give credit where credit is due for once!)
Absolutely! Also, if it was a choice between that or giving up altogether, then this was a preferable option, given that it was a temporary phase.
quote:
Can anyone offer any advice on how to work through the fear?
I’m not the best qualified to offer advice on this, but as a suggestion how about comparing your current status with how you were before starting work on TMS. Reminding yourself of the progress you’ve made (including, hopefully, the fact that your fear is less now than it was then) may help boost your confidence.
I think it can only be a gradual progression, although, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I think progress picks up speed as you go along, because success fuels confidence which in turn fuels more success. (I think the name for that is “virtuous circle” – the opposite of “vicious circle”.)
quote:
I know I'm going to look back on all of this and scoff at how nutty it made me, but it just feels so scary and so real. I feel like the symptoms I have are just so much worse than anyone else's
They are certainly worse than mine, and I admire you for your courage in sticking with this. I have no doubt you’ll get through this!
|
|
|
