| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Suz |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 11:08:46
Hi all,
I haven't posted in a while. I have been holding strong in my broken engagment status and have had virtually no contact with my ex other than seeing him in Church which is horribly awkward. Especially since last weekend, at the end of the service, he approached me and tried to escort me out through the side door as he said his mother was out in front, furious, waiting to yell at me. Hmm - what has he told her, I wonder?? Why on earth would I sit with him when our engagment is over - that, apparently is what upset her. His immaturity continues to be revealed.
With this new resolve of mine, my back pain has gone totally. I took a week off last week - did experience some sciatica at the beginning but I know that is due to the "winding down" process after work. Work always manifests itself in my sciatica. It does that less and less now as the game is up! The upper back pain has completely stopped since I broke off my engagment.
I have been experiencing fatigue in it's place. I seem to be very very tired on 7 hours sleep. I really want to go to Church at 8:00 am before work, but I seem to be exhausted. I know I am worrying about the tiredness. I think this could be an equivalent. I have made great strides with my diet as I have introduced things I never used to eat (due to allergies I thought I had). I think my mind has found something new.
I guess the best thing is not to focus on it. I can't believe that sleeping from 11:30 to 7:00 am isn't enough sleep for anyone.
Does anyone have any thoughts? Also - I think the fatigue may be a cover for the real emotions - worry about going back to my job with all of its stressors, after I have been away for a week. |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| miehnesor |
Posted - 08/31/2005 : 23:01:52
Laura- i've been to 2 Bradshaw workshops, bought two of his books, and three of his cassette tapes. He has made a life out of inner child work and I believe his work is very helpful for TMS healing. My favorite cassette tape series is called "finishing your business with mother". Costs about 50 bucks and is 5 cassette tapes. If you want to focus on mother issues I recommend these tapes. The homecoming tapes are also excellent focusing on connecting with the inner child. There are meditations as well as lecture on the cassettes.
Leegold- I wonder if you have read Arthur Janov's works. If you are working on feeling preverbal emotion as I have been doing I think you will find his work fascinating. I read "The New Primal Scream" recently and highly recommend it. |
| leegold |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 19:57:44
i have the 3 tape homecoming series. it comes with exercises to 'reclaim' your childhood in different stages. it was VERY powerful- i highly recommend it!
Lee
"A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones" |
| n/a |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 02:37:35
Hi Suz
You definitely made the right decision to call off your engagement! Can you imagine what your life would have been like with a mother-in-law like that?
As far as sleep goes - it sounds as though you are in need of a good rest and your body is making sure that you get it. You are putting stress on yourself by thinking you should go to church before work - maybe you can leave that for now.
When I was really ill, some nights I would get very little sleep and when I did (usually with the help of medication), I was never rested. When things got much better my sleep pattern re-established itself and now I find I sleep until I am rested - some nights, seven hours, some nights more than that. I am lucky in that I work part-time and don't start until 2pm, so I don't have that early morning pressure.
It could well be that this exhaustion you feel is needed - making you slow up. Give it time and accept that you need more rest for now.
Laura, the John Bradshaw book I read was 'Homecoming'. Miehnesor mentioned it here and I thought it sounded interesting. It is - and very relevant to those of us who have difficult relationships with parents - well worth a read, I think. |
| leegold |
Posted - 08/30/2005 : 00:52:37
its a series of tapes on the family. you can get them on half.com
Lee
"A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones" |
| Laura |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 22:59:58
Lee,
What is the name of the book by John Bradshaw? Sounds interesting...
Laura
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| leegold |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 17:52:49
hi suz-
seems that the right decision for you was indeed to break off the engagement.
about the exhaustion: my experience has been that i am SEVERELY tired when i need a major emotional release... WAY more tired than any lack of sleep, illness, etc could ever make me. i usually get alone and quiet and either pray about what i need to release or it just happens- flood of tears and stomach-heaving sobs, etc.
i believe i have been doing what john bradshaw calls "original pain work" and experiencing the emotions that i have been repressing from childhood. once the emotions are released i get back a somewhat normal energy (although exhausted from the release, its never even close to the pre-release exhaustion). i also have more pain before the release and it lessens significantly afterwards. then i get a bit of a break until the next episode comes up. i have the benefit of working at home so i can take breaks and deal as i need to.
sometimes the emotions are so intense and painful i wonder how can anyone think the body is an issue when the emotions are WAY more overwhelming, painful and over-the-top. when i'm in the throes of a release i can even see why my brain chooses severe physical pain over the feelings. most of the time i dont even know what they're about-maybe even from before i had speech-but it doesn't seem to matter as long as they go.
also, be aware of the fear (worry) as dr sarno says it's even a better avoidance technique than the pain.
food for thought: pain-in-the-*ss, pain-in-the-neck, shouldering responsibility- i don't think these sayings came from nowhere...
all the best
Lee
"A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones" |
| art |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 12:49:07
Hey Suz,
Glad you're sticking to your guns...The more time that goes by the more objectivity you'll get. Pretty soon you'll be thinking, "God, how lucky I am not to have married that guy. Yikes!"
Sleep is a weird thing. I'm up off and on almost all night now. Could be 'cause I'm getting older...I just don't know...I try not to worry about it too much as I seem to function well enough no matter how little sleep I've gotten.
One thing that happens to me is I'll go a week or so getting myabe 3-5 hours a night, but feeling fine, and then suddenly just totally crashing and sleeping for 10 hours or something...
I don't know. In the long run I think the best approach is just not to worry about it too much as that can just make it worse. When you're tired enough, you'll sleep. So I think in most cases it's kind of a self-correcting, self-limiting kind of problem...
And again, good job with your ex!!! |
| Laura |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 12:02:02
Suz,
Those florescent lights really do a number on my eyes. I always feel yucky spending any time in that type of light, although I'm not sure why. I've heard this before from others.
I don't get nearly enough sleep per night as insomnia has been a TMs equivalent for me for a few months straight. I lay down but I can't seem to unwind like I used to. It used to be I would lay on the couch and not be able to keep my eyes open to watch all my favorite shows. Now, I'm wishing that would happen. The past couple of nights, I laid on the couch and watched t.v. and did fall asleep about 11:15. Then, when my husband was taking the dog out at midnight I woke up and walked up and got into bed. I fell right back to sleep and slept until 3:30, at which time I got up to use the bathroom. This is a common pattern for me, waking up in a few hours after sleeping to use the bathroom. Then, the problem starts when I get back into bed and start thinking about things. Next thing I know it's 4:00. I'll eventually fall back asleep and then wake up about 6:00. As you can see, I'm in bed from about 12:00 to 6:00 or 6:30, and the sleep is broken. During the day I find it hard to function. Sometimes, I drive the kids to school and actually come home and get back into bed. If I do that, it's hard to fall back to sleep and then when I eventually do, I'll sleep till like 10:00 and feel like I've wasted the entire morning.
I think we are so programmed to think we need 8 hours per night but everyone is different and I've read that as you get older you require less and less sleep. I know some women going through perimenopause (like me) suffer from insomnia. I'm also very hot at night - not actual hot flashes but just hot, even with the air conditioning on low.
I have one friend who takes Lunesta but that's not for me. I'm not into taking medications for anything, especially sleep. I'd rather suffer and not sleep!
I'm trying to get more exercise during the day so that I'm tired enough to wind down at night. That is the one thing that's changed in the past few months for me - less exercise than before. Yesterday I walked four miles and then another mile or two down the beach. I was pretty tired last night but still found it hard to unwind. Who knows...
Laura
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| Suz |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 11:39:34
Thank you, Laura. Yup - the mother scenario was unbelievable. When I told him that I didn't need this nonsense in my life and how angry I was- he looked amazed and told me how he was just trying to help. He just doesn't get it.
I had a bunch of blood tests done recently which show I am in perfect health. I also notice that my eyes are a little blurry - sort of slightly dizzy. This really sounds like TMS to me.
How much sleep do you get? I think if I get an idea of what normal sleep is, I will accept that this must be TMS and not a valid, physical issue. I have always insisted that I need 8 hours minimum - well I now realize that that may be a conditioning thing.
I have a high stress job in the investment industry where everything is very fast paced. Going back to work after a week off is always tough. Also, they just built me a new office which is not nearly as nice as my old temporary space. I am sitting in it now and I hate it! I have lost my big window and my office is unfinished. I am sitting in artificial light that I hate.
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| Laura |
Posted - 08/29/2005 : 11:19:07
Suz,
Wow! He just doesn't know when to quit does he??? This guy is a real piece of work. Thank God you broke off your engagement with this "mama's boy." I seriously can't believe he came up to you in church, no less, to tell you his "mommy" wanted to "yell" at you. Unbelievable! You didn't get out of that relationship a minute too soon if you ask me. And isn't amazing how your back is so much better?
As far as the fatigue, try not to think about it and try to ignore it as much as possible. If you have been checked out by a doctor and don't have anything like anemia or anything, then I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure your ex's tactics must lay some measure of guilt on your psyche, and that in turn could create a whole new batch of TMS equivalents for you. Stay firm in your resolve and keep reminding yourself you are okay.
I'm so glad to hear your progress and I wish you well.
Laura
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