| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| skywalkerdude |
Posted - 07/18/2004 : 08:29:02
I am relatively new to this TMS thing. I have read 2 of Sarno's books and have even started the Mind-body Workbook. I am the one suffering from prostatitis and have for 8 years. Yes, I recognize that, according to Sarno's book - Healing Back Pain - that 90% of patients with prostatitis is caused by tension. Yes, I am starting to have decreased pain, I feel like I accept the TMS theory, I think psychologically but I have a few questions.
1. I still have alot of "stress" in my life - particularly marital discord that causes alot of tension. This tension causes me to "tighten" my pelvic muscles which creates more pain.
2. I am very resentful of what my wife is doing to the marriage. She is holding our marriage hostage and staying mad at me for some things that I have done in the past.
If I believe in the TMS theory that doesn't mean that the "Tension" from the above 2 issues will simply go away.
How does TMS deal with the daily tension?
I already recognize that I am tense related to the above issues - will resolution of the issues make the pain go away or is it something else that I must do to completely rid myself of this???
Thanks
Mark |
| 7 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| kenny V |
Posted - 07/20/2004 : 08:39:09
Mark,
I hope you find the answers you are seeking to guide you through this healing process.
It is no accident you found out about TMS and are here seeking answers, you already believe in TMS, except it’s diagnosis and realize the potential power it has in creating a wide range of physical manifestations and pain that is caused from the emotional makeup.
What you are asking here is tough. Relation ships, caretaking for family members, and difficulties in marriage are ranked among the highest stresses in our lives. I myself have experienced and weathered through 9 out 10 of the most stressful situations at the same time with TMS on top of all of it. There have been mostly practical words spoken here but one thing in particular bothers me; it is a choice in “ending a marriage”. I would remind you this is forum on the internet, most of the information and choices you are giving here is beneficial for relieving pain and understanding TMS strategies. But when it comes to relationships, you can not compare it to someone telling you to quit your job and get a new one because it is causing you stress and maybe you are not fulfilled. These are people who can only care for you on a certain level.
I hope children are not mixed in the equation because it can even be more stressful and traumatic as well.
I suggest you seek some other counseling from a professional counselor, a loving friend or family member.
I do like what Susie said,
“In otherworlds, instead of running away from what is bothering us, we must choose to recognize and deal with it head on. This puts the situations back in our control.”
You wrote:
I still have allot of "stress" in my life - particularly marital discord that causes allot of tension.
I am very resentful of what my wife is doing to the marriage.
She is holding our marriage hostage and staying mad at me for some things that I have done in the past.
I already recognize that I am tense related to the above issues - will resolution of the issues make the pain go away or is it something else that I must do to completely rid myself of this???
It is good you recognize where your stress is coming from and need to take responsible for your self first before you can look at your wife’s un- forgiveness towards you from the past. Once you make peace with yourself then you are freed up to be able to make peace with others.
Now back to choice, you always have a choice to make and like you would say to your teenager boy “the choice you make today will effect you the rest of your life”. It is important to make good well thought out, rational decisions before we are to make major changes in our lives, such as marriage and children. Today we live in a disposable society. Abortion, divorce bankruptcy. You use it and throw it away for convenience, and everything is one-stop shopping. You can abort, get a divorce declare bankruptcy and start all over again. Well this sounds easy but is not TRUE, we hold on to the consequences of these CHOICES for a LIFETIME. They just don’t go away even though we thought we disposed of them. They are EMOTIONS; they are your FEEELINGS of what YOU CARE about the most in life and effect you in every way. Well this is not the same when it comes to relationships. The pain that most people are still holding on to is the guilt of bailing out of a stress relationships because of major illness, financial difficulty, or a birth with a disability. There are just some things in life that we need to face, it is all in perspective, the way we look at things, the way we approach and handle our problems.
Mark you can get though this, once you understand the concept of TMS, start to apply it’s principles along with dealing with the emotional factors, you will get some physical relief as it frees you up to be able to handle more of life’s hard pressed issues. Good luck with your recovery and may God bless you as you make any major decisions in your life.
Always Hope For Recovery
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| skywalkerdude |
Posted - 07/19/2004 : 11:49:10
You basically have two choices: (1) end the marriage, (2) work to improve it. That is, assuming the marriage is the predominant factor in your TMS symptoms, which may or may not be the case.
Yes, I have thought of both of these options. Since I am the husband I would lose custody of the kids - not a good option - I am willing to work at the marriage. I can't make my wife forgive me and stop taking our marriage as a hostage. There was no infidelity on my part of the marriage but my wife is holding on to some things in our past and it "feels" like I am being punished - still. I am willing to work as hard as I can at the marriage - remember, I am a TMSer and strive to do my best in things but my wife is a woman and prefers to heal more slowly emtionally.
]It seems as if you've basically thrown your arms up in the air and accepted the fact that you can't do anything about your marriage and you have to live with being miserable. I can imagine what a huge toll this must take on how you feel about yourself. Explore that. Maybe you'll find the marital discord is partially perpetuated by your own actions. Or, maybe you'll discover that the only way for you to truly be happy is to end it. Whatever it is, don't be afraid to discover it.
My self-image isn't the greatest. All of this prostatitis stuff started after my wife had an "emotional affair" eight years ago. Soon after that my prostatitis symptoms started. Yes, I recognize the connection. Since I recognize this and have expressed my rage why doesn't the pain subside. Since it was very painful to hear what had happened it may just take a while to heal "emotionally"
Gary, I'll check on the book.
Mark |
| Jim D. |
Posted - 07/19/2004 : 11:15:28
quote:
Originally posted by skywalkerdude
How does TMS deal with the daily tension?
I already recognize that I am tense related to the above issues - will resolution of the issues make the pain go away or is it something else that I must do to completely rid myself of this???
You might be interested in Fred Amir's book (mentioned quite a bit on this board). He gives very detailed suggestions on how to get rid of tension, and he also has a section on communication in relationships. |
| Dave |
Posted - 07/19/2004 : 07:41:08
Transcend the daily stressors. Recognize that you are in a blind rage inside.
You basically have two choices: (1) end the marriage, (2) work to improve it. That is, assuming the marriage is the predominant factor in your TMS symptoms, which may or may not be the case.
Perhaps the conscious emotions you feel about your marriage, and towards your wife, are just a faint echo of deeper repressed feelings. Maybe you need to focus your anger and resentment on your marriage and on your wife, because it is a convenient distraction from how you really feel about yourself.
What if you treat the marital discord as a TMS equivalent? When you feel anger, resentment, and other emotions towards your wife, treat it as a signal that you are repressing something. TMS comes more from the internal pressure you put on yourself than from the conscious stress of life, though of course the latter is a significant input into the former.
It seems as if you've basically thrown your arms up in the air and accepted the fact that you can't do anything about your marriage and you have to live with being miserable. I can imagine what a huge toll this must take on how you feel about yourself. Explore that. Maybe you'll find the marital discord is partially perpetuated by your own actions. Or, maybe you'll discover that the only way for you to truly be happy is to end it. Whatever it is, don't be afraid to discover it. |
| FarmerEd |
Posted - 07/18/2004 : 14:59:27
Hello Skywalkerdude,
I don't know if this will help but even before my back gave me so much trouble I started to have bouts with prostatitis. It wasn't over 8 years like you but was quite a few. I was put on a 30 day regiment of doxycycline a lot of times on and off. When I started to apply Dr. Sarno's methods on my back I got to questioning some other things in my life that Dr. Sarno had said were TMS equivilents such as my chronic prostatitis. On one visit to my urologist during a bout with it I asked what bacteria they found in my urine sample. I was shocked when he told me they had found none but that was not uncommon in recurrent prostatitis cases. If you have another bout with the prostatitis it may be worthwhile to ask if they found any bacterial contamination in your urine sample. If they find some don't let it throw you but if not it may give you a boost of confidence in TMS theory.
Ed |
| austingary |
Posted - 07/18/2004 : 10:49:48
How does TMS deal with the daily tension?
I already recognize that I am tense related to the above issues - will resolution of the issues make the pain go away or is it something else that I must do to completely rid myself of this???
There's no way for someone on the outside to answer this for you. Daily tension clearly contributes to your quotient of psychogenic pain. If that tension goes away, everything else being equal, you may have less pain. Or you might find some other reason for the pain. Everyone is different. But, obviously, you need to do what you can to get this tension out of your life.
Allow me to point out that if you are resentful of what your wife is doing to your marriage (she probably sees this differently, of course) then the problem is your resentment -- not what she is or isn't doing, which you may or may not be able to change. The problem is your opinion of what she is doing. And that is completely in your control.
I have a book suggestion for you. Have you ever read Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations"? I strongly recommend that you buy and read a new translation, titled The Emperor's Handbook by C. Scot Hicks and David V. Hicks. I think this would really help you. I have read through my copy at least twice and it is covered with my penciled-in margin notes.
I think you also need to work on the pelvic-tightening thing at the point of the tightening. This is a habit, a bad habit, that you need to change. But you can change it, so take responsibility for it and change it. Be aware of it when you do that and work on relaxing it. When you feel the tension, instead of tightening your muscles, take and release a deep breath.
Work on letting those muscles go, feel them relax layer by layer. Practice walking around, sitting, standing, etc. with this area relaxed. Become conscious of what you are doing and change this bad habit. |
| Susie |
Posted - 07/18/2004 : 09:45:58
skywalkerdude- The greatest cause ,I feel, of my symptoms is a relationship that I am in and have chosen to stay in. Most of my symptoms have been arrested by working with Sarno's theory. When my symptoms still arise, in a weaker state, I tell myself they are just tms symptoms and I know what is causing them. They eventually go away or weaken to a point where I can ignore them. Like Dr. Sarno says, we can't change our personalities and cannot sometimes change our relationships, but the awareness of the cause is usually enough to extinguish the symptoms. Inotherwords, instead of running away from what is bothering us, we must choose to recognize and deal with it head on. This puts the situations back in our control. |
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