| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Laura |
Posted - 07/12/2005 : 10:39:55
Hi, all,
Here's a funny story, just to reinforce the way our minds cause us to exhibit symptoms. Yesterday, I was sitting at the computer feeling a bit bored. Just for kicks, I went onto the Mal de Debarquement forum (Mal de Debarquement is a form of dizziness or "landsickness" that supposedly occurs to people after taking a long plane flight, a boat ride, a train ride, or even after going in an elevator). After my trip to Cancun three years ago when this dizzy/rocking thing started, that was what I thought I had. It was the only thing that fit. Until I learned more about Sarno and then knew it was merely another manifestation of TMS.
So, I thought I'd go on there and see if there is any new information, you know, like maybe a case history of someone who has been cured and believes, like me, that it has a psychological component to it. There was a forum I'd never seen before and all I needed to do was sign up to be part of their discussion forum. Wow! What better way to spread the word of Dr. Sarno, I thought! So, I tried to login but had a difficult time doing so (it wasn't easy like this forum). I finally gave up and figured it was probably for the better. Reading about that stuff brings back bad memories of the summer of 2002!
A little while later, I bent over to put my wet laundry into the dryer and guess what happened? Dizzy again. I haven't felt dizzy in a few days. In fact, I have really begun to see a huge difference, especially these past three weeks while I had the stomach flu. During that time, the dizziness was pretty much gone. Then, I go and "rock the boat" by reading about it, and look what happens? Also, right before the dizziness/rocking sensation happened I had spoken to my Dad and learned that my Mom (who is in the hospital recovering from a bad infection and emergency gall bladder removal) is having "heart failure" and is in a bad way. Imagine how my mind started racing, thinking about how I might have to finally get on an airplane (I haven't since the trip to Cancun over three years ago) and go see her. Imagine thinking about getting on an airplane after I just read about how many people get MDD from flying on an airplane.
Thankfully, I can see these physical symptoms for what they are, an attention grabber. Since I know there is nothing wrong and that the dizziness has been slowly easing up and going away, then I know that what happened yesterday merely happened because of the circumstances (i.e. reading about it and then hearing the news about my mother). It just reinforces to me even more how our thoughts and emotions cause physical symptoms, and that Dr. Sarno has it right! Thank God for Dr. Sarno and thank God for this forum.
Laura
Laura
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| 9 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Laura |
Posted - 07/15/2005 : 22:22:31
Mala,
It is amazing how many of us TMSers have parents who behave like this. I cannot imagine acting like either your Mom or mine towards my daughters (or future husbands). You are right - it is very hypocritical indeed. Thank you for your post. That verse you posted is right on the money.
Al,
Yes, I have Dr. Lee's book "What your doctor won't tell you about perimenopause" and I use the progesterone cream to help level my hormones. Thanks for the input.
Laura
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| altherunner |
Posted - 07/15/2005 : 21:56:09
This is a bit off the tms topic, but may relate to your mother. I recently read "Facing the Fire", by John Lee, and loved it, so I went to the library and researched other books by John Lee, and found a book called"What your doctor won't tell you about menopause". My wife has had early menopause, and lots of problems. I read it, realized it was written by a different John Lee, but was amazed at the information. My mother had dementia, and other synptoms I can now see relate to her menopause, and her poor teatment of my sisters and brother and I. John Lee reccomends a "bio indentical progesterone" cream rather than pills. We found it available locally at a compounding pharmacy, and my wife's symptoms disappeared within 2 days. I could see my mother's mental and physical symptoms as the cause, or contributor to her "attitude".She also had osteoporosis,
and many other symptoms listed in his book for untreated patients.
I had no idea of the number and magnitude of the changes that happen.
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| mala |
Posted - 07/15/2005 : 19:53:00
Laura,
I just spent 45 minutes writing a post to you and then pressed the wrong button and deleted it. Ahrgggggggg!
Many of us are conditioned to believe that rage towards our parents is wrong. We are supposed to love and respect them despite everything they do and to feel guilty about not getting on with them as if it is always our fault. They can keep treating us like kids our whole lives. Sarno says that this rage is the main source of tms. This inner child that he talks about exists in all of us because our parents treat us like kids even when we are old enough to have our own children.
My mother has always hated the fact that my sister and I did not marry 'nice Indian boys'. She slags us constantly and tells us how we have disgraced her. She will never call our husbands by their names and keeps saying to us "What do our relatives think". "How could you do this to me". "You have left me with no face " etc etc. Despite the fact that both of us have done very well in life she chooses not to focus on any of those things but rather on this one aspect. She is not able to understand that the choice to marry who we want is a choice that is ours and ours only. Either that or she wants complete control. She is a control freak who always thinks she is right. Even when she has done something wrong she has never apologised or said sorry.
She is also a hypocrite. When she meets up with her friends and relatives, she takes out her photo album and gushes "look, those are my 2 daughters. That is my son in law who is a British army officer and this is the other one who is the GM of a well known sailing club. Oh and those are my 2 darling grandchildren". And of course everyone goes "Krishna you must be so proud" and she says "yes of course I am".
By the way let me tell you that when she is slagging my younger sister she tells them that her children are not her grandchildren "I have no grandchildren" she says.
I allowed her to carry on like this for many years till a few months ago I realised that she doesn't really care about anyone but herself and that she is never going to change. She is basically selfish. I can either allow her to continue and live with this crap for the rest of my life or I can do something about it. Since I have been down every other route I decided to distance myself from her. This has proven very effective because:
1) I dont have to listen to her rubbish so I don't get hurt.
2) I am not there to fuel her angst which is the sole reason for her living. She truly enjoys the angst. It keeps her alive.
3)She is actually frustrated that I am keeping my distance coz she thought she had control over me which she enjoys.
4)She is beginning to realise that there are consequences to the way she behaves with her daughters and that I too have control.
My mother has pain in every joint in her body (I wonder why). When I gave her Sarno she refused to read it. You see Laura, we cannot be responsible or guilty for the way our parents behave. They are just as responsible for their own actions as we are for ours. If they choose to behave in an undignified manner or in a manner that causes you to feel hurt or hurt your dignity then you must not allow them to do that. You will be surprised how they come around when they realise that you are not playing the same old game anymore. I'd like to post this poem by Philip Larkin which I think sums up parents beautifully.
This be the verse
They **** you up, your mom and dad
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-stylen hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself.
Good Luck & Good Health
Mala |
| Laura |
Posted - 07/15/2005 : 18:23:13
Dave,
Thanks for validating my feelings. I sort of did say what you suggested to my Dad. I said "Dad, I've actually been pretty calm about all this but this is our mother we're talking about. She's sick and both of us live far away. It is upsetting to me. I call or e-mail Martha [my sister] to keep her posted about what is going on because she is worried just like me. I can't control how she sounds on the phone when you talk to her. She is obviously upset and with good reason." My gosh! Now I'm responsible for what she says to my Dad. I've pretty much felt all my life like I'm responsible for everything that happens so why should he stop now.
Anyway, it helps to know that you and others understand and have had the same type of experiences with your parents. Thank you!
Laura |
| Dave |
Posted - 07/15/2005 : 17:50:12
quote:
Originally posted by Laura
Then, this morning he says to me "Don't go getting upset about your Mom because then you go and get your sister upset and then she calls me asking what's wrong."
Sounds like a family, like mine, that was encouraged not to display any emotion. I too have come to realize that it is enraging to be treated like this. Don't assume the rage is because your father gives more consideration to your sister than to you. Consider that it might be because he is basically telling you not to feel.
If I'm talking to my dad, and show any kind of negative emotion, he will always say something like "don't get yourself worked up" or "don't stress out so much, you'll be fine." I realize now that's the same as saying deny your feelings. Now, I respond "Dad, it's perfectly OK and normal to have some anxiety now and then." But this topic inevitably goes nowhere, because my dad just doesn't get it. He thinks you can control your emotions. And therein lies the problem, the root of how I was conditioned to bury my feelings.
What if you said to your dad, "Look, Mom's in the hospital, of course I am worried, upset, and anxious. How do you expect me to feel? This is perfectly normal and there's nothing I can do about it." |
| Laura |
Posted - 07/15/2005 : 15:33:22
Hi, everyone,
I've been noticing brief dizzy spells daily now, whereas for awhile it was pretty much gone. The stomach flu was a nice distraction, although that was getting old too! Now, I'm stressing big time due to the fact that my Mom is still in the hospital (over a week now) and there's no sign of her getting out any time soon. After her emergency gall bladder removal, they found she was "septic" which the infection running through her entire bloodstream. These doctors at this podunk hospital in Michigan can't seem to figure out what to do next. Her heart rate went up a couple days ago (from normal 60 beats per minute to 165) and I was told she was having "heart failure." Now, her white blood cell count has jumped to 25,000 and today they are doing CAT scans on her to determine what organ is infected and what is causing the problem. They think her liver may be deteriorating. This is such a nightmare. My Dad isn't very good at keeping me informed so when I do call he treats me like I'm a nuisance. Then, this morning he says to me "Don't go getting upset about your Mom because then you go and get your sister upset and then she calls me asking what's wrong." That really pissed me off. The fact of the matter is, I've been extremely calm about all of it and I only call or e-mail my sis at work because she has asked me to keep her informed since he doesn't bother to let anyone know anything. She knows I will call or write to keep her posted and I do. Then, she gets upset because she is at a distance too (Texas) and is worried about our mother. I just feel like it's always been this way with my parents, babying my sister and shielding her from things but having no consideration for me. My father telling me not to upset my sister just hit a nerve. I must say, I have had more dizziness in the past week than I've had in months.
I guess I'm enraged about a lot of things, not just my Father's attitude. I realize that if I were in the hospital or if I were in my Mother's shoes, nobody would be calling and caring about me the way I have done for her. She is very self-centered, and worries about nobody but herself. Even when I was going through a lumpectomy and biospy for possible breast cancer she was very aloof and didn't bother to call me. I just don't know any other way to be than to be a daughter who is concerned and who cares. This is how I would be with anyone though, my family or my friends. Sometimes you get to feeling like you give so much more than you ever receive and that is definitely how I'm feeling about a lot of things.
Well, it felt good to say these things and get them off my chest. Now, I'm going to go call my Dad again and see what the latest is. If things don't improve soon I'll be getting on a plane this weekend.
Laura
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| Bonnie |
Posted - 07/13/2005 : 09:04:59
Hi Laura, I agree about thoughts and emotions getting out of control and setting things off, I got the Freedom From Fibromyalgia book by Dr. Nancy Selfridge that someone recommended and read it right through yesterday. It is a good book but it was a bad idea for me, I started getting symptoms that I hadn't had trouble with in years, complete brain fog, restless legs that just would not let up for a couple of hours, and the palpitations that had eased off for the last two weeks started up again.
It definitely reinforced the fact that it's psychological, and that it's TMS. I don't know what exactly set all of it off, the book is based on a lot Dr. Sarno's own ideas and there was nothing there that should have upset me but it did. It really bothered me, I've read other books in the last two and a half months since I started the program and none of them have caused a reaction like that.
By the way, I really need to thank Dave and Michelle for their advice about my palpitations. I've been reading and re-reading what they said and it made a big difference, the heart stuff eased off a lot until yesterday. The skipped beats are caused by my own emotions, thoughts and feelings, and for them to start in again like that really bugged me because I couldn't find what triggered them in what I read. I went through all the things that happened that day and sorted it all out and I'm re-reading Mindbody Prescription again today and I hope that will get me back on track again.
The perfectionist in me is ticked that I could allow myself to be knocked off balance but I've found I have to be very careful what I read or listen to right now, I guess my belief is still new enough that it can be shaken by alternate opinons no matter how well meant they are or how much I know they might be bogus and don't work for me.
If anyone with Fibro has had this happen to them could they please tell me what they did to get past it?
Thanks,
Bonnie |
| Laura |
Posted - 07/12/2005 : 14:41:35
Susie,
Yes, I did. I do suffer from IBS and have had many problems with that. My Mom was just her for our daughter's bat mitzvah and she had what appeared to be the exact same symptoms. Her's lasted a little over two weeks and so did mine. However, she eventually started getting horrible pain and it was confirmed she has gallstones. She just had emergency gall bladder surgery a couple days ago and now she is not doing so well (infection, high white blood cell count, heart failure, and fluid in her lungs). I had nausea every day and everything I tried to eat tasted bad. I couldn't think of anything that sounded good, which is not like me because I usually enjoy my food! It was bad. I feel much better now - appetite is back - so I think I had a stomach flu. Also, I heard it's going around because I've heard of others having similar symptoms.
Thanks, though!
Laura
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| Susie |
Posted - 07/12/2005 : 13:28:30
Laura- did you have the stomach flu for 3 weeks? Sounds like ibs if you did. |
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