| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 08:51:10
I am so annoyed - my sciatic hip pain is back with a vengeance and I am having back pain spasms all night long - I have not had this in months. I stopped seeing the psychologist every week and ever since then the pain has come back. It is getting worse and worse so I am going to go back to once a week again. I really thought I had stopped it and so feel a little defeated and depressed right now. Things in my life are going so great right now. I had my engagement party at the weekend which was fantastic. I was very anxious and stressed about it but it all went well. On the day, an hour before it began, my hip pain kicked in. I could barely walk. I am experiencing a lot of stress from my family - this happened 12 years ago during my first engagement to my ex-husband. That is when the pain began.
i just feel so discouraged that I have to depend on the psychologist for relief. I guess I feel a bit like a failure |
| 10 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/28/2005 : 15:11:43
Thank you all of you. My fiance and I are going once a month to see our priest who is really good. I intend for us to talk about money, child rearing and parental relationships. We both have a devout faith and use prayer every day. We are both very keen to have open discussions about everything. I am not sure what we will about the child rearing issue as I really want to bring my children up at home myself - I do not want to work. I was raised by nannies and it was awful. I did not have a close bond with my parents because of it.
As far as a bottle of wine or some medications - as a recovered addict I cannot take anything unfortunately which is very frustrating. I do take advil but of course it does nothing. |
| Stryder |
Posted - 06/28/2005 : 14:38:20
Hi Suz,
Hope you are getting some relief from your current episode.
I agree with the other replies that working on a marriage and thinking about kids at the same time is a lot to handle at the same time.
Starting a family will be successful for you provided your marriage is strong and on sound footing. If your fiancee is really worth marrying, then he will understand your situation, and if the wedding planning is causing you a lot of stress, then you might consider postponing it a for little while. That may give you a break to get on the road to recovery with regards to your TMS, and get some of the other issues you mentioned worked out. Its not the end of the world if you are not married by November, is it?
We did our wedding on our own, and it a was indeed a stress-fest. The hardest time I had with TMS was one month before my second daughter was born. Here I was unable to walk and I have a wife 8 months pregnant and 1 year old to take care of. Not a fun time, since I was not Sarno-aware at the time.
So you need to chill out some, maybe get some pain meds from the Doc or "take a good book and a bottle of wine to bed" to get you over the hump. Try to not obsess about the future, turn your mind off for a while and do something fun.
Take care, -Stryder
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| Fredarm57 |
Posted - 06/28/2005 : 07:29:41
Suz: You can really make this marriage work, but it takes "work". I'm lucky to have what I think is a pretty good marriage, but it has had its ups and downs. There was a time in the early 1990's, at the time of my first episode of TMS, when we came close to divorce. But we got some counseling and pulled through. Since you've been married once already, you probably already know all this, but there are some things that I wish we had talked more about before we got married, like expectations, money, relationship with parents, how to resolve disagreements, and the like. If you expect some bumps in the road, it won't seem like the end of the world when you hit them. But don't try to anticipate what those bumps might be. You'll drive yourself crazy doing that. Fred |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 20:25:03
thank you Fred. Your post was absolutely lovely. It is so nice to hear that a marriage can work. My parents are divorced (my Dad twice) and I also have a failed marriage behind me. I really want to make this one work. This projecting is absolutely ridiculous. |
| Fredarm57 |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 20:01:47
Suz: It's not uncommon to have recurrances when something big is happening in your life. You have pointed out several issues that could be behind this TMS episode--getting engaged, family stress, money worries, having a baby, etc. So much of this kind of worry is future-oriented, as you correctly noted (will the marriage fail, how will we deal with the money issues, how can we afford to have a baby, and you're not getting married until November!). Try to focus more on the present and not worry so much about what might happen six months or a year or more from now. Who knows, by November your fiancee's "rough patch" may be over! Fred
P.S. Getting married was about the most stressful thing I have ever done. Not the wedding itself, but the months leading up to it. And I imagine it's even more stressful for the bride. However, it's been almost 17 years and we're still together. Lot's of things we worried about never happened. Other things that never even occurred to us would happen did happen. Some good, some bad. |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 13:37:48
Baseball,
You are histerical! Thank you for making me laugh through this ridiculous pain. I have an extra issue with going to a psychologist. I have gone through another program of recovery (I think you may have done the same thing maybe - you might have mentioned it in your posts I also do a breakdown of fears and resentments) - well it is strongly suggested not to go into therapy as it makes one very self-involved. I have to say that since doing the therapy - the pain in my hip etc. has gone but I have been feeling very spiritually shakey - have you had this happen to you at all? You can email me if you don't mind telling me -suzanna12e@aol.com.
I wonder if the pain is connected to fear of getting married -the permanency of it all. I think I can't face the thought of failure again at marriage and also the money worries. I have a very good,stable job but my fiance is on commission only and going through a rough patch. He keeps worrying about money and it is really bothering me. Also I am 36 and really want to have a baby but I don't want to work and have someone else take care of my child - my fiance said he can't afford for me not to work. I am really jumping ahead in panic as we are not even married yet (November) |
| Baseball65 |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 13:08:58
Suz.
You shouldn't be discouraged because you get relief from the psychologist...you should feel empowered.All therapy is merely a reflecting pool to give us a better insight into what is going on inside of us,where it came from,how to bring it to the surface and hopefully neutralize it.
I never say 'eliminate' it,because there are some things we won't ever forget...being abandoned,being shamed,being hurt profoundly.However,eventually at some point you'll pick up the reigns as you get the 'knack' and maybe only have to check in once in a while for a 'tune up'
If this happened before under the same circumstances than that is a huge clue.Could it be a fear of permanency? Fear of abandonment? fear of failure?
If it's giving you sciatica,it's good and repressed.I've found sciatica always gives me a little kiss when I'm afraid of responsibility....but everyone is slightly different and it could represent something totally different to you.
Anyways,I'm certain you are on the right track.
Hey!! Maybe you got the sciatica from the cake!(repressed guilt)
just kidding
peace
Baseball65 |
| ssjs |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 09:24:31
Mine has me convinced that it is like a treat to myself to be going to her.
She actually told me that if I continued, I would end up making more money in my business, because I would be a more healthy person.
Unbeleivable, but it actually worked out that way. I guess because my depression lifted and I was able to be a more effective person. Every once in awhile i stop seeing her...also mostly because of the cost, but right now I still go.
Sandy |
| Suz |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 09:18:45
She has really helped me. I just don't want to go on doing this forever - mainly because of the expense. I wonder how long it takes for the shift to become permanent - I guess everyone is different. I forgot how painful the sciatic thing is - although i am not going to write about it or talk about it any more as experience has shown that this feeds into it. |
| ssjs |
Posted - 06/27/2005 : 09:07:58
My therapist once said to me that
The only way that we can be truely independant is to know we have someone we can depend on.
That is why kids get into gangs...or people form crappy relationships. We need support!
If that means a shrink, well what is wrong with that? There is no shame in having a helpful relationship with someone that can be objective and has already helped you! Even if it is a pain in the ass to pay!
Sometimes it takes years in therapy. You have been on the right path and tms sometimes makes it apperance to pull you back in just when everything seems great. Or maybe it isn't all that great. Only you know, but seeing a therapist is no shame!
I've been doing it for years, and have been pain free for years...even if I do eat too much!
Sandy
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