| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| celestica |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 04:51:07
Hi everybody!
it would be great if everyone who reads this could post your most effective strategies for increasing your self esteem...
a) how favourably you regard yourself
and
b) how you increase your confidence in your capabilities to be effective in the world - work, healing, having successful relationships, etc.
The strategies could be self talk, visualisation, action plans, written exercises, etc.
Even if you just have fave take a few seconds and post.
Thanks,
Amelia |
| 3 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| art |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 18:13:59
Great questions...
Obviously, without self-esteem a person has a very hard road. That's why I think its every parent's sacred responsibility to instill a sense of worth and value in their kids. If they fail in that,they have done their children a great wrong. I don't want to be too harsh. I know that people generally do the best they can with what they have. And it's usually true of course that parents who fail in this had parents who failed them as well...And so it goes, unhappiness quite literally breeding more unhappiness...
I hope I don't sound too self-righteous. As you might infer from all this, I had a rather crappy upbringing. My mother's favorite term of endearment for us kids was "creatures." As in, "they are not children of mine. I don't know what they are. They're creatures, that's what they are."
How profoundly damaging stuff like that can be.
It took me a long, long while to even get a clue on this...You can't have an "inferiority complex" as it used to be called, if you truly are inferior..12 Step groups have a saying...or at least AA does..."I didn't know that I didn't know."
I do a lot of self talk. I also try very hard to understand the bad thoughts and feelings I sometimes have about myself as irrational...
For some examples, I spent the greater part of my life convinced I was ugly despite the objective reality that I was really a pretty good looking guy..Sometimes, even now, for no reason that I can pinpoint, I'll just start having that old ugly feeling...that deeply ingrained sense that I'm just an awful looking person who by reason of looking so awful is also deeply and fundamentally and profoundly worthless..again, despite the objective reality that I'm actually a pretty nice guy with a good heart and a painfully well-developed sense of empathy (I have no idea where that came from given my upbringing)...
I don't do anything too labor intensive or formal like writing things out...I just simply do my best to negate the bad feelings and replace them with good..
The good news is that it's possible to improve..Nowadays, those negative feelings are much less frequent and by and large much less intense..
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| amymae |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 09:38:12
Hi celestica-
That's a great question. I recall Dr. Sarno saying something in his book about how low self-esteem can contribute to rage.
I'm not sure how helpful I am here- and I hope you forgive me- but I'm going to have to quote Dr. Phil.
I recall him talking about a person's "tape." I think that's what its called- but its not important. The point is being aware of what you say to yourself after any situation. For instance, when you look in the mirror everyday do you say "i look nice" or do you attack yourself w/ insults in a way you would never do to any other person.
Another example, after something goes wrong at work, do you say "i'm an idiot." I guess Phil's point was that if you say these negative things to yourself enough you will believe it and most likely make it true. At the very least you will lack all motivatoin to make your life any better.
I think the best advice is that old saying about changing the things you can and accepting the things you can't. Easier said than done I suppose. |
| ssjs |
Posted - 05/22/2005 : 05:10:58
Dr Sarno, and a great therapist change the way I think about everything!
Sandy |
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